Life Happened: Alone in the Office

After a couple of frankly boring weeks, this last one wasn’t that much more exciting. It was much more organised and so felt better. But it’s probably time to admit that I’m turning into a Hull and my messier, less organised Dempsey traits are slowly being killed off my mother’s more controlling ‘a place for everything and everything in it’s place’ characteristics.

My brother has always claimed that I’m more like our Dad than he is, I certainly did not inherit my mother’s maths brain and I still can’t do a codeword but I have been getting more and more tidy. This week I found myself muttering about people who put their cups in the sink and not on the side, which is a Grandad thing…

I’ve also got a ‘get into work at 8am’ thing going on and have as a result memorised the train times from West Ealing to Paddington in the morning. Ok that’s not any guarantee that that trains will actually turn up on time but I know the time they should be there.

And after the last few weeks of not being as organised as I’d like, this week it felt like I was properly organised, with packed breakfasts and lunches, clothes all sorted and everything else in control!

I took Wednesday afternoon off to take Ryan and Claire to deliver the baby bath and some carrot cakes. It was lovely to see them (I’m not sure that I’ve seen Claire since the wedding) and to find out what’s going on with them other than having a baby in about three weeks time! I could get very used to part time working, it was just lovely to be outside and getting on with things during the day, but this could be because at work I was struggling with minutes (all 18 pages of them so far – it was a long meeting) and because on Thursday and Friday all of my team were on leave, two of them in Dublin!IMG_3935Unless I’m on holiday, Monday to Friday are pretty boring days. I have to take it fairly easy because of work and trying to avoid having a migraine, so it’s work, home, eat, clean, sleep, repeat, not really very exciting.

Friday evening was interesting for me, I met Ma briefly on Friday night (we hit Paddington at more or less the same time!). Then went home for pizza and an early night with a book and a whiskeyIMG_3942On Saturday, Ma and I went to see a very early showing (11:35) of Deadpool, we had free cinema tickets (thanks to Ben and Laura) and a practically empty cinema…and then the rest of the weekend was mine to do with as I wished.  Which aside from some food prep was reading lots and lots of reading! So my perfect weekend really!

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Friday Links

Happy Friday!  Generally, it’s not been a great week for news, the world seems to be going to hell in a handcart but here are this week’s link’s

Wondering if I need to start calling her Madame Ambassador now.  This is fabulous news and may mean another trip for me to Cote d’Ivoire…

And of course as soon as it’s announced there’s a terrorist attack at Grand Bassam. I’ve been to Grand Bassam and if you were going to launch a terror attack in Cote d’Ivoire, it makes a sick sort of sense. Mostly I’m just sad because Cote d’Ivoire has been through enough and that a bunch of misguided idiots think that this is the work you should do for God.

This recap of one of the Democrat debates is hilarious (no pun intended!)

I’m a proud Londoner but the neglect of the rest of the country by politicians is disgraceful. Well done to The Yorkshire Post for catching Cameron’s PR out and for asking the  hard questions…

The budget’s top priority should be housing. Yes but the Tories won’t do what Labour didn’t. The housing crisis has been years in the making, I’ve been banging on about it for around 20 years…

I saw Stevie Wonder in concert when I was about 16 and it’s still the best gig I have ever been to and he’s gonna be in Hyde Park in the summer. If you haven’t seen him live and can afford it, buy tickets to this!

How Donald Trump happened. I honestly don’t know enough about the US to say whether this is a true assessment or not. I do know that white working class resentment about lack of opportunity, housing and the ability to work does sometimes express itself as racism.

This makes me think about Tabitha. Third culture kids

The benefits of spring cleaning. I like the flat to be tidy because I feel better when it is so this didn’t surprise me…

Our physical surroundings have an incredible impact on how we feel, especially for women. In one study, women who described their homes as being messy or disorderly displayed flatter diurnal slopes of cortisol, an indicator associated with depression and poor coping skills. These women also displayed greater increases in depressed mood throughout the day, greater fatigue in the evening and experienced a more difficult transition from work to home.

Gin revival. Apparently we’re still talking about this!

The magical thinking behind the budget.

The story behind the shamrock shake, or weird things you can get in US McDonalds that you can’t get in the UK (I think it’s been years since I’ve been in a McDonalds and I still haven’t forgiven them for dropping root beer). This is an example of ‘paddywhackery’ that happens around St Patricks Day…

How you should have celebrated St Patrick’s Day

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Cooking as a chore

Yesterday, I went to see Ryan and Claire and deliver a baby bath and some carrot cakes. We talked, Ryan was cleaning the kitchen and I told him that keeping two bottles of champagne upright and exposed to sunlight for over two years wasn’t doing it any favours and it probably needed to be drunk sooner rather than later. And that once opened, fortified spirits should be kept in the fridge not the counter and why did he not know this, had I failed as a godmother?

We talked about other stuff too, cooking and who cooked and how and Ryan talked about how it had taken him a while to figure out recipe instructions, like how much a pinch or a handful actually was. And what the hell was a medium heat. How long should you leave steaks out of the fridge to reach room temperature? Things that I don’t even think about but that Ryan who has been feeding himself for a good 10 years now is only just beginning to learn because he is only just beginning to cook from scratch.IMG_3895Which lead me back to this and the importance of cooking often to get a feel for what works for your cooking and eating style. I haven’t been cooking much new stuff recently because there is nothing like having an upset stomach for putting you off creative cooking but I have been cooking, even if that was just rice and making a loaf of bread. I was struck this week, looking into my fridge and not wanting to cook that my fridge was full of ingredients but not stuff I could eat right now and call a meal. So I cooked mushrooms on toast because that was quick, easy and there wouldn’t be a lot of washing up. It took about 20 minutes, longer than a microwaved ready meal but not a lot of time.OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAA lot of my shopping, cooking and eating is determined by my low budget and high amount of time I have. Some of it is because I like to do certain things (making marmalade doesn’t make me more virtuous than people who buy it, I enjoyed the process) and some of it is about what seems right to me (I have never used a cake mix to bake with because it seems like cheating).

Having said that, I think that I cook because at a formative stage in my life, I saw my mum do it everyday and that’s really where we learn to cook. It was years before I felt confident making a white sauce because that wasn’t something I remember seeing someone do at home and it took me a while to get a feel for it, but I always knew the fundamentals of peeling a potato because I saw Ma do it all the time. What we see happening as children, forms the adults we become and is true in all sorts of ways but especially around food. Obviously we change and develop our skills and tastes and things change according to our circumstances but I can still see a clear line from the food I grew up eating and the food culture of my childhood to the way I cook and eat now.

I’m interested to know if it’s just me, or if other people feel they inherited (or didn’t) a cooking style from their childhood.

 

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Stations of the Cross

I’ve talked a bit about my faith in this space before and it’s Lent so I wanted to talk a bit more about what I’m doing in this time but this is my personal perspective, it’s not trying to make anyone feel bad or convert them. This is my space to talk about how I live and this is a part of how I live so I want to talk about it. I don’t want to offend you and if it’s not your thing and you don’t want to read it. Don’t. Come back another day when I’ll probably be talking about food, shopping or my very boring work week!

I knew at the beginning of the year that I needed to spend some time thinking about God and my relationship with God and with my faith community. One of the things I decided to do this Lent was to make some time for reflection and one of the ways I’m doing that is by going through the Stations of the Cross once a week.

When we started going to church, I was about 5 years old and before that my only experience of church was when my aunt took me. What I mostly remember about Church visit was the children’s missal I was given because even then, if there were books involved, I was usually happy. Other fun things were that they gave away money (I know, my aunt was mortified!) and that there were pictures on the columns of the church, the Stations of the Cross.

Later I learnt that this was a Catholic thing. Grandad’s Salvation Army Cory didn’t have Stations of the Cross (they’re methodists!) but it wasn’t until later I realised that CofE churches didn’t have them either.IMG_0575

Although they were always there, during Lent, there was always a big focus on the Stations. When I was a kid Ma would take us to the children’s Good Friday service which because there was no Mass, was the Stations, leading up to the big event of the Crucifixion. This was like the Easter version of the Nativity Play, children with tea towels on their heads walking around the church re-enacting each station but I didn’t go to Catholic school and Ma wasn’t really into that kind of Catholic prayer so that and giving something up was all we really did for Lent. (Ma for all she converted is quite Protestant in her thinking and we were brought up accordingly….)

Then as teenager, I was at a Catholic school and generally more involved in church life (altar server, youth club and preparation for Confirmation) I really began to notice the Lenten focus on the Stations. Every Friday during Lent, we were encouraged at school to do them. There were Stations of the Cross once a week at church, with a different person or group asked to lead the reflections and it influenced how I practiced in Lent.DSCF1635Which is why the first thing I ever did for Grace was a very simple walk around the Church with a reflection on each of the Stations of the Cross, although St Marys didn’t have the Stations on each column and I had to go and stick them up. When I was creating that reflection, I discovered the Scriptural Way of the Cross, which is a new version,  sanctioned by John Paul II, to base them on scriptures. I’m not keen and prefer the traditional ones. This could be because I’m allergic to any reforms made by JPII  but I’ve always thought that the Stations evolved to help us reflect on the deep truths of our lives and our faith and maybe it’s not scriptural to say that Jesus fell three times but I can see why His human failure to carry the Cross and fall three times for three days and the Trinity feels important. Also the new version has less focus on Mary in favour of the beloved disciple and I object to that on principle, the Church neglects Mary (and woman generally) quite enough as it is!

When I wrote the reflections, I wasn’t in a very happy place and there were particular Stations and reflections that I spent a lot of time with. This year I’ve found myself drawn to the end.

Jesus rises from the dead

Empty tomb. Jesus’ followers are really panicking now. What’s happened? Has someone stolen His body? Where is our Lord? He did speak about being raised from the dead, is this what He meant?

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It’s not always how we think it’s going to be but God keeps His promises. We don’t know the details of the plan, we have to trust Him.

Now is the time to thank God for your life and for His love, which is always there for us no matter how far we move from Him.

It’s not always how we think it’s going to be. Story of my life and exactly were I am this year, not where I expected but glad to be here anyway..IMG_2167

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Food and Budget Update: 05/03 to 11/03/2016

This was a bad week. Mostly because I had an upset tummy for most of the week.

SHOPPING 

I decided on Saturday that I didn’t really need to shop this week. There seemed to be lots of food hanging about and I only really needed to feed myself for four days. So I decided to use the £15 to shop without a list.

This is what happens when I shop without a plan or a list…. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

The total was £13.18. My usual basic vegetables of peppers, onions and mushrooms and added courgettes. I topped up with spices to replace some of the lost ones and bought pear drops and polos..

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COOKING AND EATING 

I cooked some rice and vegetables for lunches on Sunday but I started to feel really, really ill on Sunday night and that graduated to vomiting and it wasn’t nice. On Monday, I didn’t eat or drink at all and although I was feeling well enough to go to the office to work, I didn’t feel well enough to eat much. So at work I ate bananas and rice cakes and at home I ate the rice I had cooked on Sunday. I was eating on Thursday and stayed at Ma’s, we had a chicken but on Friday night it all caught up with me and again I didn’t eat anything.

LESSONS LEARNED

You don’t eat much when you have a tummy bug! But more than that, look at how quickly my weekly spending can go on very little.  When I have a list I’ve already done the hard work of planning my eating for the next week and checking what’s on offer, so I can go in and be single minded about what I’m going to buy but without a plan and just on a whim, it’s really easy to rack up the cost…

 

 

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Life Happened: This is getting silly…

I caught a bug that involved me being very ill and not being able to eat much.  I did manage to get back to work on Tuesday and was around for the monthly meeting that I minute (5 and half hours of my life I’ll never get back!) That is all you need to know about Monday through Thursday because not much else happened.

On Thursday night I stayed at Ma’s. I gave this to Ma for Christmas and she’s found a place for it above the phone. I think it may just be the family motto..  Ma also uttered the most perfect sentence that summed up the reason behind so many of her life choices on Thursday night. While listening to Chris Stapleton, her current favourite musician she said “I do love a man with with a beard”. I stayed at Ma’s because I had Friday off work so I could recover from the very dull meeting on Thursday and have my haircut. Hurrah for having a fringe I can see through again and also a sunny Friday….
  On Saturday, we went to see Hail Caesar. It was funny but I felt a bit unformed although that could be because I’m still outraged by the cost of a ticket to the cinema £11.79. If you want to know why people don’t go to the cinema as much as they used to, that’s your reason right there.  On Saturday night, it seemed that I’d had a recurrence of the visiting mice. The traps and poison were untouched but there were droppings. So after bleaching everything in the kitchen, I applied wine…
Sunday was a gorgeous sunny day. I did shopping and chores and went to the library. I also spent a lot of time listening to the BBC C2C coverage over Sunday and spoke to Sarah and Ryan.

So the bad start to the week had a good end…

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Friday Links

Happy Friday!  It’s been a busy week and I am ready for the weekend! Here are this week’s links….

Is it time to stop caring so much about work?

Living alone is the dream but it can be a nightmare too. No, like living with others there are plus and minuses to living alone. On the one hand, there is no one to disturb your peace and on the other things only happen when you do them.

Boris Johnson puts foot in it again. I really don’t like him, I think he’s a bad mayor and not a great MP but this whole Brexit thing is really beyond it all. He is the mayor of London, telling his staff not to contradict him on a position that isn’t about London but is about his desire to be leader of the Tory Party.

Rough sleeping on the rise. If the number of homeless people sleeping on the street has risen, then the numbers of ‘hidden homeless’ must have risen as well. When I bang on about the housing crisis and benefit cuts, this is why because this is what happens. The housing shortage is not just about middle class millennials not able to afford to buy or having to flat share, it’s about vulnerable people living on the street.

When restoration goes wrong. Thank goodness for English Heritage…

 

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Food and Budget Update: 27/02 to 04/03/2016

Hello, this update is late because I spent Sunday night being ill (yes again!), Ma had something too so it’s not just me but it is annoying. Anyway, this is last week’s recap..

SHOPPING 

Here are the shopping lists…

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They didn’t have any pesto in Lidl and I forgot to pick it up in Sainburys. I did have some basil and oil cubes in the freezer so used those instead, which is what I should have done in the first place. I opted for peaches instead of apricots and forgot to pick up the Sainsburys receipt here’s the Lidl one

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Total spent was £13.25 and here’s what that bought OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

As ever it seems like a lot and at the same time not very much!

I also bought a whole bunch of stuff for the Mother’s Day lunch on Saturday. That kind of entertaining doesn’t come out of my weekly £15, instead I have a £30 budget and I bought double the amount of pork shoulder I needed because I’m an idiot but I’ll talk about that a bit more in next week’s recap!

COOKING AND EATING

I grazed over the weekend. I have noticed that I don’t talk about what I eat at the weekend and that’s because unless people are coming for dinner, don’t really sit down and have set food but generally I have toast for breakfast and leftovers for lunch/dinner or I forget to eat. I also had a lazy weekend and my food prep was not as organised as usual, I also had two days working from home this week so was a bit more relaxed about it. I made yoghurt/granola pots for breakfasts and winged it a bit for lunches. I used the leftover quinoa egg muffins and ate them with salad on Monday, had toast on Tuesday and was out for lunch on Wednesday. On Thursday, I took a salad into work and was out on Friday.

Monday night dinner was baked eggs

 Tuesday night was pork ragu with rice and roasted broccoli and I forgot to take a photo of it (I was hungry and it’s not photogenic although it tastes amazing)

Wednesday, I was still so full from lunch, I had a salad.

Thursday was fend for yourself which basically means no plan and yet again no photo

Friday should have been FNP but I ended up at Jo’s later than I expected and stayed for dinner, which was lamb tangine and cous cous followed by rhubarb tart. I’m not sure that I would have been able to think straight enough to prepare a meal for 16 people that just needed to be heated up after a funeral and funeral tea but Jo and Deborah did!

LESSONS LEARNED

Weekend food prep is really important otherwise I wing it and the results are not always good and I need downtime. I knew that anyway but this week, I was busy and it showed!

 

 

 

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Life Happened: Families

So lets talk about last week. On Monday, I popped around to K and A’s on the way home to bring Adam emergency apple and blackcurrant squash. A was out with a stomach bug and K was coping with the boisterous Baxter babies. I chatted to K and read stories to the babies until bedtime.

Tuesday was a WFH day and it was lovely to have a lie in and still be at my ‘desk’ by 8.15am! The VPN was less co-operative though, everything takes a bit longer than it should.IMG_3865 Tuesday was also the day I managed to get splashed while cooking, resulting in a blister ON MY FACE. It didn’t show all that much, but I wasn’t happy about it.

Wednesday and Thursday were standard work week days, with no drama, as a team we’ve been slightly all over the place, with people in and out of the office on odd days, I think Wednesday was the first day that the whole team has been in the office all at the same time! Oh on Wed we went for lunch at Sardo Cucina, where I had an amazing pizza and therefore did not have to eat for the rest of the day, it was very good!

On Friday, I worked from home again in the morning, which meant a big pot of coffee and on Friday afternoon I was in Putney. Originally the plan had been to go to the memorial ceremony for Jo’s dad. When my dad died, I remember feeling very alone and I also remember that none of my friends were there, because of that my general rule for these things is to show up if I can because sometimes you just need to know that you’re friends are about even if they can do nothing to help and you’re going to be too busy to talk to them. As it was, Ms T was struggling with it all so I stayed at the house with her.IMG_3873We chatted and put out teacups and then when everyone got back, I made tea and coffee and washed up. It was a compulsion and I didn’t get home until after 10pm, I stayed for dinner and got a lift home. When people you care for are grieving it’s really difficult to know what to do for the best but that was something I could do so I did it!

On Saturday the family came for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day. It was lovely, Oli and Joe are delightful, Oli and I spent some time reading a book and I chucked him on the bed lots, which he finds delightful…he’s a boy. Joe has just got to that stage where he wants to be in everything so that’s always fun!IMG_3886One of the things he was very interested in was his Daddy’s pudding….IMG_3901Sunday was Mother’s Day, Ma had stayed on Saturday night, so I made breakfastIMG_3895We were going to go to the cinema but Ma didn’t fancy it so I after she went home, I had a quiet afternoon and then an early night.

I’ve ended this weekend thinking about families and love and connection. On Sunday my social media filled up with people lamenting not having their mothers with them, a bunch of others being smug about being mothers, sometimes both in the same post and the other set thanking their mothers for being their best friends. (My mother and I are close so I even if I had been so inclined that would not have happened because, Ma would not have appreciated it.) I’m going to link to the thoughts I posted last year.

Mostly, they still hold. Families are the people you love and support who love and support you and if you’re very lucky, they’re also the people that you’re related to. It’s so easy, especially on days like Mother’s Day, to focus on what other people have and you feel is lacking and I get that. I’m not a mother and yes that often stings, but I focus on what I do have, a mother, Oli and Joe and various other assorted children who I can spoil and who don’t wake me in the middle of the night. I also concentrate on what I can do, I can see those children, support the parents I do know, basically I get the time and space to be part of the village it takes to raise a child. No, it doesn’t entirely dull all the pain of not having the life I imagined, which did include children of my own but it’s not nothing.

I’m not advocating for being cheerful all the time or in the face of disaster. Sometimes life is truly, deeply rubbish but failing to appreciate what is good in our lives is a poison to that life. All that to say, I ended this week deeply appreciative of the families in my life, the one I was born into and all the others that I am part of to a lesser or greater extent. Mother’s Day isn’t hard for me because I am part of those families. I am so lucky.

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Little Goals – March 2016

How are we into March already? This month is Mother’s Day and Easter which is quite enough excitement and includes Easter Bank Holidays…yay!

HOME

 

Spring cleaning. It’s time to do the boring stuff, deep clean in the kitchen, windows in the living room, that sort of stuff.

BODY AND MIND

Limited drinking. I did pretty well with this last month and I want to carry on being mindful about it.

Yoga 4 times this month. I totally sucked at this in February, but I need to start testing my foot a bit more.

Stretching: This is slightly different from the yoga, I have stretching that I should be doing for my knees and I just need to remember to do it every day.

Exercise. I need to start walking a bit more so I’m going to get off the bus a stop earlier on the way to work and on the way home, just to get that daily limit up…DSCF4423

LENT

We are still in Lent and more of the same, I may not make it to Grace in March ’cause of the structure of it but so far I’m pretty happy with how Lent is going so I need to carry on with it…

 

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