Every year about this time, it dawns on me that I’m going to have to cope my way through another winter and I write a post on how I’m planning to handle it.
Yes, winter happens every year and I should be unsurprised by it but the impact it has on my mood surprises me every year because summer me feels like who I am and winter me comes as a shock to the system.
Anyway, I had my moment at the beginning of September and I’m slightly changing up the routine this year because of the caring for mum aspect of my life. Last year, we didn’t change any of the things (I just bought a wake up lamp for mum’s house) and hung on. I did survive winter but it was harder than usual, I got sick and it was just very difficult. So I sat down with my therapist and made a plan which always helps.
The first thing is that I need to be more intentional about basic self care. Things I can wing in Summer need to be cast iron in winter. Which always starts with sleep.
I’m always tired (I’m in my 50’s and menopausal of course I’m tired). At Mum’s, I’m consistently in ‘bed’ for about 10:30pm and mostly asleep by 11pm because Mum starts bedtime at 10pm. At home, it’s all over the place (this is a theme!), so I need to do at home what I do at Mum’s. One of the things I did this weekend was tidy around the flat and clear my bedroom, to make it a calmer place for sleep. That work is ongoing, but I know it helps…
Next up is consistency with the vitamins and supplements (omega three, vitamin d, magnesium, agnus castus and a multivitamin, in case you’re interested), I was quite flaky with that last year and while I have been better over summer I need to keep that consistency over the winter. I’ve also added electrolytes back in because they seem to help my stomach and it’s another way of getting water into me in the morning before coffee. As an aside I’ve found Vimto flavoured ones that are fantastic.
So on to my diet. It’s pretty good, I have eaten slightly more processed food this year, because I’m feeding Ma (fishcakes and the Saturday fishfingers and chips being the main culprits). Again the issue isn’t really when I’m with Ma, (consumption of jelly tots aside), it’s when I’m home. I have to cook at Mum’s, and cooking at home tends to be things to take to Mum’s for her and then I just graze and eat whatever is handy. So I need to plan things to eat for when I’m home and for my day in the office. Given that I meal prep really effectively for Ma, it’s ridiculous that I don’t for me. What I am going to do is start planning for both of us. That is a work in progress but I’m getting there.
There are a couple of things that I do in winter that I just can’t do at Mum’s, my nightly 20 minute bath can’t happen at Mum’s because she only has a shower, so I need to replace it with a 20 minute walk on the treadmill. Which is apparently as effective AND gets me exercise. More generally I need to exercise more, and for every 60 minutes I spend sitting, I need a five minutes of activity. So I’m starting that and working on being consistent with it this month.
The big change this year is a light lamp. In previous years, I’d made the decision not to have a blue light, they really can be dangerous things if used incorrectly and they are only effective when you use them regularly preferably first thing in the morning, whereas CBT is more effective long term. However, I’m stretched quite thin at the moment and everything I would usually do isn’t quite cutting it or can’t be done so we decided it was worth trying. The downside is that they do involve the discipline of getting up and being in front of one first thing (which I’m not going to enjoy on days I have to be in the office or up early for something else) but nothing comes easy right now so this is a tiny adjustment that could help. I’m currently doing that for 15 minutes a day, working up to 30 minutes. It’s too early to say it’s working but maybe I’ll update in October.
One of the other things I want to do is more getting out of the flat with Mum. Mum lives on the first floor and there are two flights of stairs. Hauling the wheelchair up and down is not my favourite thing and Mum finds the stairs difficult and they are only going to get harder. So it’s a bit of a mission but when we do get out, we are both better for the fresh air. So we’re going to try doing it once a week.
It’s all effort but it’ll be worth it for a better winter. I’ve said before that the annoying thing about life in general and depression in particular is that nothing comes easy and the feeling comes after the action. I act and then I feel better. This is always how it works in winter, I need to grit my teeth and push through it now, so the winter doesn’t completely crush me.
Roll on Spring…
Nic Dempsey 