I’m at the point where I’m just so done with my hormones. More bleeding, headaches and if I could get a hysterectomy, I’d take it because there have been 36 days this year and I’ve been bleeding for 30 of them I’m beyond fed up because it also comes with feeling sick and headaches.
So last week was work and sleeping and feeling bleugh. Even the demise of January and beginning of February could not lift my spirits.
However, as I’ve been saying to my team ‘the only way out is through’. I did manage to be mildly productive, this weekend I did some preserving, some laundry, I sowed some seeds and I read some books. That some laundry and sorting out food prep for the week has managed to improve my mood this week, if not my headache!
Seed Sowing Station
This week, I have an appointment at the Menopause Clinic, monthly reporting, Grace and allotment. It’s going to be a good week, I’m going to make it my bitch!
After a break up in 2019, Turnpike Troubadours got back together in 2023 and there was an album. Mean Old Sun great, but not my absolute favourite (Black Sky and Three More Days are my picks). However, I’m so happy to see them back.
Well, in true to form, the last couple of months of 2023 flattened me….
So here are the headlines.
Christelle’s dad died at the beginning of November, which meant at short notice, she and Mike had to go to France, which meant I had to go to Woking and look after the dogs. Gabi and Baylen are lovely dogs, but they are French boxers and the crazy is built in.
Baylen wanting me to stop work and pay attentionGabi reminding me that it’s time for her dental stick!
I was really glad that I could help my friends when they needed help but 4 days in someone else’s house was hugely discombobulating for me, so there was that.
The rest of my life has just been hard to cope with. Look, I know there are people out there with a heap of responsibility and work and just life and I’m aware that as a single person with responsibility only to myself (and my family, job, allotment and flat), I know I don’t carry the same burden of responsibility as others. However, it’s not a competition. I have responsibilities that other people don’t and I’m allowed to find things hard. I have found the last couple of months tricky, it’s partly working out how to work in a new role and balance all of my responsibilities in all of my working life, it’s partly hormones, it’s partly SAD, it’s partly the absolute mess the world is in right now and it’s a whole heap of other stuff about being 50 that I don’t even have proper words for at the moment. This is why I do therapy.
All of that to say, I put blog down for a bit because I needed more room to stress about the stuff that matters in my life. My work, my family, my friends, trying to get enough sleep…the good stuff.
But there was other great stuff, Ma hit 75, we went to lunch and my friend Christina was having her second baby that very day! There was Grace and work events (one of which was wreath making) there was dinner with friends, seeing new houses, parties, Christmas….and a large and beautiful tree.
The large and beautiful tree
It was all fine, but it’s been exhausting. I heard something the other day, we survive because of our resilience, in 2023, I’ve used my resilience. This year, I’m going into 2024, not having to rebuild my entire life. I used my resilience and here I am ready to start again. All of that is good.
So plans for this week, well office, it’s the last week of January so I need to get myself prepped for end of the month reporting and just catch up. There is weeding on the plot to do, marmalade to make, and all sorts of good things.
While I have been away from the blog, I have visited the the plot.
We haven’t done a ton of work, Ma is only coming every other week and there has been lots of other stuff going on. There has been weeding and tidying but the arrival of the seed potatoes last week means it’s time to start and get the plot in shape for spring.
August 2023
So let’s talk about the state of the plot.
Last season wasn’t the best. We had a four month hiatus in Jan-April last year because of the work to the flat and COVID. So we started behind. The weather was interesting, we had a fantastic berry year, this meant a lot of time was spent berry picking and not so much time weeding, and the weeds got very out of of control, especially on the side with the gardens (rose, herb, iris), where we didn’t strim the path so much. The wildlife loved it, we had crickets chirping away but the grass weeds, went bananas, and my squash beds stuffered.
Current state of the squash beds
It really wasn’t a complete disaster we grew things, I was overall, happy with what we got for the effort we put in. I did feel that I was constantly playing catch up. There were other life things too. I took on more at work, which has been great, however, I don’t do transition well and it’s involved a lot of learning and been mentally taxing, which does impact how much time I had for the plot. We add to that that Ma had her cataract replacement operations in August and September and while that was just a couple of days I was with her, she really couldn’t come over and help and generally, we are starting to transition how we see one another, I go to her more which is time away from the plot and absolutely not a problem, she’s 75 and I’m happy go over and do whatever needs doing (and see her too!).
All that to say, it was a trickier year than I expected and I will need to rethink how I organise my time this year (more activity, less reading I suspect!). However, I need to get it into a useable shape over the next three months, so that come April, I’m not weeding, when I should be sowing and planting!
Let’s talk about structure.
We are going to buy another poly tunnel. The current one needs a new cover and while it is over kill to buy a whole new polytunnel we thought we’d use the cover on the old frame and use the new frame as a fruit cage. Our allotment committee chair has done this and it works really well and it will give us a place for the blueberries and the strawberry towers and maybe free up some space where we’ve had to have them. It will mean losing some of the ‘wild area’ and the bed right next to it. As soon as the ground isn’t frozen, I’ll move the soil into one of the other beds, we’ll have some patio stones coming next week, to go down in that space and I need to move the lavender, that’s in the wild area. One of things we did get done before Christmas, was to plant up another 30 odd strawberry plants (and replant them, twice, over Christmas and New Year due to the windy weather!), so we have more strawberries for this year.
Collapsed strawberries and a weedy bulb bed
At the front of the plot where the bulb bed sits, we’ve removed the sides of the bed because they were not in good shape. The grass from the paths has been really bad this year and it’s tricky to tell what’s bulb and what’s grass. even when it’s clear which is which, the grass roots often pull up the bulbs as the bulbs have really grown. My plan is to let the bulbs flower and dig them up to replant in the autumn. I plan do the same to the grape hyacinths just outside the bed too. I’m still not 100% sure what to do with this area, there is a grapefruit mint and chamomile in this bed and last year I planted a lavender, some thyme and some chamomile lawn near here. There’s comfrey and a sage plant in the corner too. At the moment the cornflowers and calendula self seed here. so part of me thinks that I just plant some more perennial herbs so there’s a bit more green in the winter and sow some more annual flowers and herbs for the summer! We did have zinnias in there the summer before last and it was pretty, so that may be where we go.
I also have to find a home for the dahlias I bought this year. (Look, you know what a sucker I am for things that are named with significance – it’s why we grow Nicola potatoes and irises! So dahlias called ‘Wine Eyed Jill‘? It was going to happen). I’m also thinking with that area that if we plant bulbs that need to come up every year, then it helps us keep the grass under control. Right now what I really need to do is finish weeding everything at the front and get some mulch down.
No more bed and the encroaching grass
My allotment neighbour gave my plum tree a prune in the summer and hopefully, it’ll have a better year this year, it’s an old tree but I’d be really sorry to lose it as it’s perfect and we’re not allowed to plant trees this big anymore (especially not right next to the path!)
Woodchip is like snow, everything looks tidier after the woodchip has gone down.
We have cut back the raspberries and mulched with woodchip. At the weekend, we did most of the paths and over Christmas we tidied up the back of the plot and mulched there. There has been quite a bit of weeding and it’s not in terrible shape…
Back of the plot tidy
The things on the immediate to do list are clear the area for the fruit cage, weed everything I can and mulch at the front, I read that gooseberries don’t need much but that they hate to dry out, so that’s going to be a priority this year. I also need to prune the gooseberries and the blackcurrant.
Trimmed and mulched raspberries
Things I might not get to in February but need too are the boysenberry area, it’s very weed infested and it does get to the back so it needs sorting. The shed needs a paint and a tidy. We need to work out how much compost I need to buy and I need to actually turn the compost bins, there is always something to do!
I’ve also decided to get a green garden wheelie bin in April, there are weeds that need to be binned because my compost game is not good. I can’t keep piling them at the back of the plot, so we’re going to send them to the council compost site! It’s £100 a year well spent.
Next week, we’ll talk about what we plan to grow this year and my new(ish) indoor growing station!
The clocks went back this weekend! I know that people hate the earlier dark night but I personally love the slightly lighter mornings we get for a while.
Last week at work was busy, this week is also going to be busy, I’m just at the point where I just have to do the next thing in front of me and not get too stressed about it.
I had Friday off for a haircut and
Jane’s dog thinks we come to visit her not have haircuts…
The weekend was the pumpkin walk and the bar was the usual success, people really love the event. Last year, the committee took the decision to ticket the event with a minimal charge of £1, so we could limit visitors to 3000, time the tickets and paid for portaloos and St John’s Ambulance for first aid. Every year we improve it and this year we changed the route to help the flow of visitors and it certainly didn’t feel as frantic as it’s done in previous years. In fact someone was selling the tickets on Facebook for £20 a pop. Which on the one hand is terrible but on the other shows that it’s a good event!
This week is more work, home, allotment and tonight Ma and I are going to see Old Crow Medicine Show at Hammersmith, which is nice and handy for a schoolnight.
I’ve been absent from this space for a while (so much for using it for accountability!) but not absent from being thankful. In no particular order here are some of the things I’ve been thankful for over the last few weeks
Family
We’re not the physically closest family in the world! I see Ma a lot and we all talk fairly regularly but we do get together for birthdays. This month we did lunch for Ben’s birthday, we’re do it again at the beginning of December for Ma’s birthday. It’s nice to spend time with each other (and to see the dog!)
Home
I’m not properly done sorting out the flat post building work but I do love my little flat and I’m so thankful to have a place that’s safe and secure.
A new coat
I finally found a light coat that’s just right for autumn and that’s smart enough for going into the office.
Violas
I bought 12 viola plugs for £4.99 in the summer and they have been a joy, a bright spot in autumn, and I need that.
Community
I’m not a terribly social person but I’m so very glad that 15-ish years ago, I decided to go to Grace. While I find belief in God easy, church and community can be difficult, I’m grateful that I have a place I can do both. Grace is 30 next month, it’s weird to think I’ve been involved on and off for half of its life.
Nice bedding
It’s well known that I love my bed. This year, upgraded my bedding and it’s been lovely because it’s wearing so well. It’s more money than I have ever spent on sheets and duvet covers but it’s been so worth it. Also changing your bed weekly is one of the best gifts you can give yourself, because sleeping in clean sheets is amazing!
Baths
I’m back into my autumn/winter routine of being in the bath for at least 20 minutes a night before I go to bed. While the amount of time I have to spend cleaning the bath is not fun, I’m enjoying the time and space it gives me and hoping that eventually the relaxation will kick in and it’ll help me sleep
Last week I wrote a Friday Links post but then decided not to post. Because I wrote in anger after a discussion about the situation in Gaza. My basic point was that I can be horrified by what Hamas did at the beginning of the month AND I can also be horrified by what Israel are doing in Gaza.
I’m going to be candid, Israel was built on the back of two catastrophes. One, the ‘Shoah’ was done to them, the other, the ‘Nabka’ they did to others. I could also point out that the Israeli state came to being with terrorism (look up the Stern Gang – see where some of its leaders ended up) and one person’s terrorist is another’s freedom fighter. None of that is an excuse or a justification for killing 1300 Israelis. However, Israel’s treatment of Palestinians is context, it’s ridiculous to think otherwise. I think we should also be clear that if we were Palestinians being treated as they are, we would probably also feel that we had good reason for what Hamas did. It’s not right, it’s human.
Frankly, I hold Israel to a higher standard because they have all the power here and they claim that they are more moral than Hamas, while they commit war crimes. 1300 Israelis and over 5000 Palestinians. You can argue that Israel doesn’t mean to kill anyone but people are dying anyway. Are Palestinian lives worth less than Israeli ones?
You will also note that I’m not using words like Jews and Muslims because I recognise that there are people on both sides decrying the actions of their ‘leaders’ Israelis speaking out again the bombing in Gaza and Palestinians speaking out against Hamas. If an elderly Israeli hostage can wish peace on her captives. Everyone in this conflict can try a bit harder to think, to not react with rage and just stop for five minutes.
Here are this weeks links, some of them are older…
It has been really difficult this month to find the time for the plot. Ma is on an every other week cycle and I’m busy and tired and autumnal so it’s hard.
However, I am determined to get the plot in good shape over the next couple of months so we can kick off in spring on the right foot.
So we’ve cleared most of the tomato beds and one of the polytunnel beds. We planted the garlic, in two beds outdoors and I’ve planted the other 17 or so cloves in the polytunnel bed. One of the tomato beds has had chive plants growing in it and I’ve left them in and planted violas and primroses as well as some plants that I know won’t survive the winter! It’ll look pretty until I need the bed in the spring! The brassicas are dealing with a massive whitefly invasion, it’s seen off all of the red cabbages and the red Russian kale in one of the beds. My plan for that is to clear it and maybe plant some broad beans instead. I bought some more kale plants and put them in the poly so we have about 20-ish kale plants, they are very small at the moment but we like kale, I can make pesto with it and surprisingly, it’s a veg that I can always give away at work!
Garlic bed one
We had a frost at the beginning of last week and I took a quick early Monday morning trip to the plot to rescue the winter squash and dig up the sweet potatoes. This year has been the best yet for sweet potatoes, we got just over 2 kg of them and some of them were a really good size. This is certainly the best harvest we’ve had so we’ll do them again next year and hope for better weather. The winter squash haul wasn’t terrible but it wasn’t great either. Some of that could be weed pressure, one of those beds is over run (it wasn’t that great on the sweet potato bed either. I have a plan for that for next year. I’m going to weed them, top them up and cover with black plastic and plant through it. For the paths around the squash beds, we’re going to weed and I’m going to lay down weed fabric (I have a load of it that my sister in law gave us when she gave up her plot). It’s not my preferred method but I can’t keep it all the paths weeded and this will reduce the pressure. Down the side of the squash bed nearest the path, I’m going to lay down weed fabric and plant sunflowers. They look pretty and it’ll give the beans something to climb up!
The overrun squash bed, last month, it looks worse now!
Last weekend, I was planning to pull up the peppers in the poly but they look really good so I’m going to give them a bit longer. My plan was to plant that bed up with lettuces, chard, mustards, rocket and so on, we’ll see if that happens!
Chard and garlic bed in the poly. The plants in the corners are vietnamese coriander and lemon verbena.
This weekend I started to tidy up. After clearing the summer squash beds at the front, (the frost had done their work) I planted the three blackberry bushes in one of the beds. They haven’t done well in pots and so I decided to put the blackberries in there and see what happens. We do have a plan to move the other square bed right at the front and use that area for the strawberry towers! I also cleared the ‘widows and orphans’ bed of squash and tomatoes and cut down the tomatoes on the grow bag. There was thyme self-seeding in the rings so I planted them up, if they grow great, free plants and if not, I’ve lost nothing!
New blackberry bed
We also harvested the last of the potatoes (1.6kg), two cabbages, and some beetroot. Not bad for October! (Ma took home, winter squash, some last patty pans, potatoes, sweet potatoes, beetroot and a cabbage. I’m happy with the harvests we’ve had in a bad year!)
Cabbages!
After Ma cut up all the squash into the compost bin, she started to sort out the strawberry towers. We’ve lost some we also have some runners, so it was a case of trimming the dead leaves, making sure each layer had three plants and topping up the compost. We’ve lost some plants but with the runners we’ve broken even. For year two of my grand plan, we need 24 new plants and eight new planters. I’ve ordered 30 bare root plants and I need to order two more sets of planters. Maybe next year, we’ll have enough runners that I don’t have to buy more plants!
Meanwhile, I started to weed the front of the plot. From the front to the gooseberries all weeded and then I planted all the plants that have been waiting patiently! Comfrey and sage went at the front corner where I dug up the poorly performing rhubarb at the beginning of the year. I then covered with cardboard and compost.
A tidier rhubarb corner
The camomile lawn (six plants) and thyme were planted around the bed that the blackberries were in. I’m hoping that it’ll spread and help keep the weeds down! The lavender (Provence) went on the corners of the flower bed and blackberry bed and the roman camomile went in with the other one I planted out a couple of weeks ago. I know it’s a lot but apparently, I’m a maximalist in the garden and it could be drugs!
There is a heap of things to do and in no particular order:
Paint the shed
Tidy the shed and the polytunnel
Prune the jasmine and give it some better support
Clear and cover rest of the beds
Weed and woodchip under the plum tree
Grease band the plum tree
Trim the grass paths on the right
Weed, woodchip and prune the gooseberry bushes
Weed, woodchip and prune the blackcurrant bushes
Weed, clear and mulch the herb beds (that was the first bed I planted, rosemary, thyme, oregano and sage – there’s also a lemon verbena and some chives but there are also herbs everywhere on the plot!)
Weed, clear and mulch the wild area in the middle
Weed top up the sweet potato bed and hot boxes
Trim the lavender, oregano and rosemary bushes
Sort out the rose bushes
Weed, tidy and mulch the iris, rose and pond gardens
Weed, cover and woodchip the paths around the squash beds
Weed, top up and cover the squash beds
Weed and mulch the pink and white bed at the back
Sort out the boysenberry bed
Tidy up the back paths and sort out the weed bin that you’ve been composting
Turn the compost
Slug nematodes for the polytunnel – which is slug and snail heaven at the moment.
Sort out support for the raspberries and
Next week, I need to get the Halloween stuff out for the pumpkin walk and maybe, I’ll get to that pesky grass under the plum tree.
So much to do, I don’t want to do very little and then panic in March, I’ll like to be pretty much there by the end of January, because by that point, I’ll be planting onions, alpine strawberries, aubergines and peppers and getting ready for the next season…
