Acceptable behaviour

Despite lots on at work and a migraine this week, I am feeling remarkably cheerful. It could be because I have most of next week off and I’m going to spend quite a bit of the next couple of weeks, seeing people I’m fond of, it could just be that I’m drinking more coffee! Either way cheerful is good and that I maintained cheerful through the following things on my morning commute is nothing short of a miracle.

People, here are things you should not do on the Tube during rush hour, well some of them you just shouldn’t do but if you do them in rush hour you are asking to be punched!

Grown adults on scooters, scooting down the platform. 

Let’s break this down. First, you are an adult on a child’s toy. Second, this is a crowded rush hour platform. I accept that I may be a stick in the mud and that the use of a scooter by a grown up might be an acceptable way of expressing a child like attitude (I still go on swings for instance) but it’s a crowded rush hour platform. If it’s not acceptable for small children to do it, it’s not acceptable for you to do it, you nearly knocked several people over. Grow up and leave the damn scooter at home.

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Parents who think that 7:50 is a good time to take their four children into London to see the sights before it ‘gets crowded’

This is just stupid. What part of rush hour don’t you understand? I’ve mentioned this before but rush hour is a terrible time to be on the Tube. If you don’t have to be, don’t. Also you are upsetting the commuters and traumatising your kids. Travel after 9:30 for goodness sake!

People who stand in front of doors and escalators.

Why? Just use some common sense and stand to one side while checking your phone or map. Special mention to the couple blocking the door to the train this morning and making out. The Tube is not the place for that kind of heavy petting, no-where public is (and if I tell you that one of the children mentioned above told the train what colour the girl’s knickers were, you’ll get an idea of how involved they were!)

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Women putting make up on whilst on the train.

I can’t bear it. I have noticed that woman who do this usually have really bad skin, it’s because every morning they are rubbing dirt into their faces. Look, blow your nose after you’ve been on the Tube, that black stuff, it’s not nice, so why are you rubbing it into your face? Put it on before you leave the house or do it in the bathroom at work, please for the sake of my gag reflex

People who put suitcases on train seats.

No, no, no. It’s rude, inconsiderate and anti-social.

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Practical Help

Over the past couple of months, I’ve been thinking about support and whether or not I’m good at supporting my friends. Lots of stuff has kicked off this train of thought. One of Ma’s oldest friends is currently having chemo, I have friends who recently adopted two children, it was Tina’s anniversary this weekend, Sarah is in the middle of an enormous piece of work to finish her therapy degree.

Basically, there’s quite a bit of stuff going on around me and I’ve been thinking about whether I’m being a good friend under the circumstances.

My problem is that I’m not a very good with emotion or emotional people any more. Yes, I have emotions, lots of them but I’m not much for sharing them anymore, it may seem like I spend a lot of time talking about how I feel but I actually spend a lot of time talking about how I deal with being sad rather than why I’m sad. I’ve spent a lot of time over the last decade working out the what and how of my emotions and my always limited amount of patience for talking about them (10 years ago, I told Sarah that therapy might help but only if the therapist was sensible and that’s still my default position) in any great depth is extremely limited (my mother may disagree).

Most of the things that upset or unbalance me, are not within my power to change and things that can’t be changed need to be lived with.  The most obvious examples of this for me are my relationship with my dad and Stef dying. Both caused me pain but no amount of talking about them will change what happened. I’ve done a lot of talking to change how I feel about them but some time ago I realised that I needed to get on with the everyday work of living, talking about it wasn’t helping anymore. Yes, sometimes I’m sad and when that happens, I can acknowledge that and then the only thing left to do is suck it up and work out how to live with it.

I wish it wasn’t so, I wish I could change those things but I can’t. So I have to find a way to live with them with as much grace as I can muster. No one gets to adulthood without something that hurts and everyone comes with damage. How we deal with the damage, is the important thing. I change what I can and that done, I just don’t want to talk about the rest too much, because it doesn’t help me in the long run, it just makes me feel frustrated and sad.

This has changed how I deal with my friends. If my friends are struggling to cope with something, I’m all about what they can do about it and what I can do to help but sometimes that doesn’t make me a very sympathetic friend

My gift is practical assistance. I’ll cook, I’ll babysit, I’ll come round and clean your kitchen, take you out for drinks and agree that the situation sucks. I can’t do too much listening to people complaining if there is no change or intention to change. If something bothers you, change it, if you change, learn to deal with it. I hope I’m still a good friend despite that limitation.

 

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Want

On Sunday I was in need of a nap and I didn’t want to lie on the sofa or go to bed. What I wanted was one of the oversized cushions that we used to have in the living room, that I think Mum and Dad (probably Dad said “let’s buy those” and Ma ended up paying) I think from Habitat it is late ’70’s heyday.  They were brilliant for lolloping on the floor and I miss them.

This showed up on my Facebook feed last night. It’s like the universe is sending me a message and it’s my birthday next week…just saying..

 

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The weekend

Things I did this weekend…

…read The Very Hungry Caterpillar to a 22 month old

…caught up and drank wine with the 22 month old’s mum

…boggled at how big 22 month old was and enjoyed watching him explore my flat and chat (he’s very chatty!)

…had my hair cut and coloured. (I like to go into my birthday without the grey hair visible!)

…had a lovely lunch with my mother and ate a really good steak!

…read two books

…cleaned 2 kitchens and two bathrooms (only one of each were mine)

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…did the food shopping (again this week, I will be mostly eating hummus and toast)

…worked out what I was doing about a new wardrobe, which is the last major piece of furniture I need for the bedroom. It’s only taken 5 years…

…finished Saturday’s paper (on Sunday but reading the whole thing is one weekend is a triumph, I tell you, a triumph)

…did 4 loads of  laundry

…ironed 10 items of clothing

…changed the bed

…handwashing

…went to bed at 10pm on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights (this is what happens when you get to 40, people)

…was out of bed and doing things before 8am on Saturday and Sunday (see above)

…was out of the house before 9:30am on Saturday and Sunday (it’s like I don’t know who I am anymore)

…spoke to the eldest godson and have booked 26 August 2015 in my diary to attend his wedding (that makes me feel much older than 40)

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…got and removed a splinter from my thumb

…made sourdough

…ruined my nail varnish and had to replace it.

Things I didn’t do this weekend…

…buy cherries

…hoover

…buy cheese from The Cheddar Deli..it was a close thing though..

…pick up my dry cleaning

…take a shirt that makes me look like a sofa back to the shop..

…dust

What did you get up to this weekend?

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Friday Links

This week went by ridiculously quickly, well that’s not quite right Monday and Tuesday dragged and then on Wednesday my brain got full up and the rest of the week flew by. Links this week are minimal, the world is full of chaos and I just can’t any more so I retreated into fiction re-read The Spanish Bride and am about to re-read John Kincaid’s memoirs. It’s been that kind of a week!

1) Israelis gather on hillsides to watch the Gaza bombing. I keep thinking about John Woodward Philip – “Don’t cheer boys, the poor devils are dying”

2) This about hunger and food bank usage in the US is worth a read.

3) Bourbon Slush Punch…I really, really want a garden so I can have a garden party and serve this!

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On being busy

I haven’t been really busy at work for a while. Yes, I have things to do but I’ve been getting it all done and not working late. I’ve felt quite bad about it really because everyone else has been rushed off their feet in that no-one else can help way and although I’ve assisted where I can, I haven’t been working in the same way.

It’s been nice, getting things done on time, having the space to get the small stuff done, sorting out email and tackling all the stuff that isn’t as I’d like it to be. I spent a glorious afternoon last week, re-arranging our departments joint email and deleting old emails. It’s been lovely being able to be responsive to other people and having the time to take some other things. It’s felt like a holiday.

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Yesterday, I had a meeting with my boss and I realised what else that ‘time off’ has been good for because all of a sudden I can see what else I want to do. How I want the team I work in to function, how I want to promote the work we do, how we need to strengthen existing relationships, build new ones, change some existing ones so they are more healthy, and expand our reach with the organisation. Behind all of this, we are currently re-working our processes and the structure behind that and bringing a new person into the team.

We have a deadline of the beginning of December to have it bedded in and start promoting it (and it needs to be done by then because I’m off from the 19 Dec to the 3 Jan and no-one is keeping me from that holiday!). We also need to keep all of our current work going during in all this. And all of a sudden, I’m busy and work is taking up more brain space than it’s done in a couple of months.

A part of me is excited about this, I like doing this kind of work I’m good at it and my brain needs it because I recognise that as enjoyable as the last couple of months have been, I’m atrophying just a little. On the other hand, I’m worried because I’m really good at ideas but not so great at transition or stamina and a lot of this work involves me having to demonstrate both skills and take other people with me, who don’t necessarily share the same vision of the team that I have.

So I’m going to be busy at work until Christmas! Gulp…

 

 

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Food this week (the hot weather edition)

Apparently, it’s going to be hot all this week. Yes, I know it’s not as hot as other places, but it is six C hotter than normal for this time of year and it’s London, this city is really not designed for hot weather.

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I especially don’t cope well with the hot weather, I’m not sleeping well (no one is sleeping well), I have huge bags under my eyes and along with everyone else would like to live in a fridge! My only goal this week is to do minimal cooking. I baked a loaf of sourdough on the weekend, boiled some eggs and the fridge is full of salad vegetables.

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So breakfasts will be toast with a hard boiled egg and some ham and veg. Lunch will be cous cous salad or sprouted lentil salad.

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Dinners will probably be oatcakes, hummus and some kind of protein. I may make a frittata or grill some halloumi but don’t count on it.

 

 

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For snacks there will be cherries and smoothie ice lollies.

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Monday

How did it get to be Monday already?

The only plans I have for the week are to get through it and not melt. It’s hot around here at the moment and yes, there are other places in the world where it’s hotter and people survive but we are English and don’t cope well with extreme weather.

Oli takes selfies now and that face (unhappy with the blue tongue) sums up how I feel about Monday!

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Friday Links

It’s Friday but honestly, today I can’t say it feels happy. The situation in the Ukraine is about to go bang due to a plane being shot down and 298 dead people. Israel has just upped the ante with a ground invasion of Gaza and so far the death count is Israel 200 – Hamas 1. It feels like the world is going to hell in a handcart.

This week’s links

1) Stupid, stupid, stupid. What not to do with contact lenses, more horrifying are the horror story comments.

2) An Israeli explaining why Israel bombing the Palestinians won’t work. Also the best explanation of what is actually happening over there.

Even after operations such as Defensive Shield, Summer Rains, Cast Lead, Pillar of Defense, and the Second Lebanon War, I still cannot get used to the unshakable consensus that takes hold of the Israeli public. I would still like to believe that this whole thing is a misunderstanding, and that if my own people would only give some more thought to the reality in the occupied territories, they would change their minds overnight. I want to believe that they don’t fully grasp the nature of the occupation, which is why they are so enraged by whatever the Palestinians do. This mindset leads to yet another violent Israeli response, which only paves the way for the next escalation. I do not know if this line of thinking is more naïve or more patronizing on my part, but what other explanations are there?

3) The perfect old-fashionedor my version, or the ‘improved’ version I think I prefer them with rye but I’m all about experimentation!

4) Does reading make you short sighted? I have no-one to blame but my book worm habits!

5) Mark Steele on the Israeli bombing. Which points out the ridiculousness of the Israeli campaign.

6) Israel has lost it’s ability to think strategically.

 

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Good things

This week has not been epic. I’ve been struggling to hang onto my usually sunny mood, yesterday to remind myself that life was not terrible I made a list of good things. Here it is

1) Books, a world with books is a great place to be.

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2) Which leads on to the amazingness of living in this time, in this place. Where working class girls are taught to read and write. Where it’s expected that we can and education is right not a privilege. My Granddad left school at 14 like most of the boys in his class, I’m not that far away from literacy being unusual among my class and sex and there are places in the world where that’s still the case.

3) Watching Oli win his races at the school sports days thanks to the wonders of video, he was so pleased with himself!

4) Sarah calling on Monday, just to say hi. Sarah has the best timing in the world – thanks, lovely!

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5) Godchildren 2 to 5 calling to sing La Marseillaise on Bastille Day

6) Cherries

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7) Gin….(and whiskey and champagne and the ability to make cocktails!)

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8) Sunshine. Yes is it really hot at the moment and my breathing is a bit screwy but London in the sunshine is lovely.

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9) Also London. I really love my city…

10) My family are pretty fantastic too.

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This is just 10 easy things, there are lots of others and it’s impossible to be uncheered when I actually think about what is good in my life instead of what is bad!

What are the good things that cheer you up when life is less than fantastic?

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