Happy Friday! Not many links this week, I had a migraine Monday and Tuesday and have been running around for the rest of the week so no time to read..
2. Tell me again that there isn’t a housing crisis in London. Tree growing through illegally rented housing.
4. This pregnant lady tell anti abortion protesters where to go. It’s amazing..
If you’ve been around here for any amount of time, you’ll have worked out that my Ma and I are very close. It wasn’t always this way, according to her I was a teenage nightmare! I always reply to that accusation that I was a pretty good teenager, especially compared to her or my brother, I didn’t swear at any of my teachers or skip school, I could mostly be found in the library or babysitting..
I’m not keen on saying that she’s my best friend because she’s not, she’s my mum, but nowadays, Ma is my chief partner in crime. We talk a couple of times a day, see each other at least once a week, we go to gigs and the theatre together, we help each other with decorating and moving and swap furniture and ideas and we take holidays together.
That’s not to say that we don’t have other friends and do things with other people and love doing that too. One of the best things about Ma is that my brother is very close to her too, some people have said that Ben and I are unnaturally close to our parent but I don’t think so. I think that we love each other and we support one another and we are very lucky to have her. One of my infant school teachers, knew Ma when they were teenagers and she told me that she thought, we were all so close and because Ma didn’t have a mother after she was 14 so was just making it up once we hit that age! There’s an element of truth in this, as I get older, I appreciate how different (and better) her relationships with Ben and I are. My mother is so much herself, she never expects us to be anything but ourselves, she taught us to live and supports us if she can but the only time I think I’ve ever truly felt that I’ve let her down is when I haven’t been true to who I am, even when who I am is chronically late and has a problem with transition (neither of which are Ma’s failings!)
Today is her birthday and given that we have already celebrated it with dinner on Sunday and drinks at the OXO last night, the only thing left is cake.
This is Ma’s cake, the one I bake when I want to curry favour! It’s originally from Sybil Kapoor but had to be adapted to add more ginger and I also add pieces of crystallised ginger because when it comes to this cake, the more ginger, the better! It also makes really good muffins!
Happy Birthday Mum!
November has not been a month of reading, I’m putting it down to the ‘November effect’ which is basically as it gets so much darker, my brain shuts down and I have just enough mental energy to deal with work and living that the bit of my brain reserved for reading just has to be diverted to that and so I only read 6 books and a couple of magazines! There’s always December to get my mojo back!
The Glass Republic and Our Lady of the Streets – Tom Pollock
I followed Luc and read both of these after The City’s Son. I struggled a bit with them, especially the last book, because I didn’t feel any connection to the big bad. In the first book, you had a sense of Reach as a force, of what his deal was, but I didn’t feel that sense in the next two books. Things I liked, that Pen finds herself, the world building in London Under Glass, the idea that the more scars you have the more beautiful you are, the idea of a reversed London where West London is the slums and East is where the rich people live (though I’m betting that the author didn’t grow up in West London – I did and while I would never call it a slum, and I never felt it was the mean streets it wasn’t exactly a land full of privilege and private schools), there were so many ideas buzzing through the books. Things that I didn’t like, motiveless big bad, all of the ideas made it a bit confusing.
Suddenly Last Summer – Sarah Morgan
I needed something light and easy and I enjoyed the hell out of it even though I felt that the issues where not actually issues if only the characters would use their words and talk to each other. It’s hard with this type of book to create a conflict that’s realistic and that can be resolved but I’m in a ‘no nonsense’ mood at the moment and this didn’t feel real to me. Having said that I then when straight onto the next one, so it couldn’t have been that much of a problem.
Maybe this Christmas – Sarah Morgan
I liked this one a whole lot better. Again characters should have used their words more and owned their nonsense (yeah it’s my issue of the season!). I loved that both of them finally got their act together and that the heroine did own her issues and sort them before the HEA, that makes me happy. The whole book also made me want a puppy!
Archangel’s Shadows – Nalini Singh
I’m upfront about my ‘Nalini Singh book crack problem’, so I was going to read this straight away. Good points, Asian heroine, serious lack of stereotypes, the world building is moving along. Bad point, I thought that the reason h/h couldn’t be together and how that was resolved was all a bit handwave-y but I’ll give it a pass.
The last of the Dustlands trilogy. I love Saba’s voice, that she’s honest with herself, even as she lies to try and keep a grip on the life she has and the good opinion of others. Some of the plot felt a little to convenient and I’m always, if not exactly happy, glad when there are actually horrible consequences for the heros. All of three of the books would make good Christmas presents.
Last Thankful post for this year, before I get into the individual days, I want to talk about living an authentic life, what that means to me and how it makes me happy.
It started a couple of weeks ago with Krissie’s tweet
and my reply
My capacity for anything remotely approaching fuckwittage, has diminished to almost nothing over the last couple of years but the choice of words were unusual, I’m not someone who uses the word authentic in relation to my life….well ever…I’m English and generally emotions are best kept private or you know for the blog!
I’ve had a couple of unexpectedly deep conversations about life, work and friendship this month. Helene kicked it off through a conversation about her family and her place in it, about what she wants to tell people about her parents and how she wants to tell it. We talked about our family dynamics and culture. About what constitutes a tragedy and attitudes to setbacks as well as good things in our lives. About need to know and the need to tell. About the power of privacy as well as the power of not caring what others think. It’s hard to know as an adult what a teenager might find useful, but if I could instil one thing into H (and the others) as she grows, I’d wish I could teach her how to work out what is nonsense and to distinguish what is hers and what belongs to other people.
Because for a long time. I internalised other people’s nonsense and I let their insecurities and fears colour my opinion of who I was. I really would have been so much happier and nicer if I’d understood what was mine and what was theirs and acted accordingly.
Once I took responsibility for my nonsense and started to distance myself from other people’s, life became easier. I’m a better friend for it too, I can call friends out when it’s needed and be called out in turn but without drama because I recognise the limits of my ability to change people and situations to the way I’d wish them to be. That also means that I can support people better because I realise what I can do to help and what just isn’t within my power to change.
As a result my circle of friends is a bit smaller and but my life feels much bigger and more authentic. It took a good long while to get here but I’m really thankful (see what I did there?) about it.
On to individual days of thankfulness in November
Tuesday 25 November
This is a repeat photo, because I didn’t take a photo on Tuesday but I did go to the doctors to get a repeat prescription and talk about sprained ankles and rehab. Everytime, I go to the doctors or dentist or hospital, I’m just so thankful for the NHS and vision of the people who founded it. 
Wednesday 26 November
I wanted to read something different. I have a house and a Kindle full of books. I’m so thankful for being able to read, for a society were it’s expected that women and the working classes should. For the ability to walk into a shop, buy a book and lose myself in another world.
Thursday 27 November
I’m going to join the gym around the corner from the office, because work subsidise it and it’s right there. Even if I go and walk on the treadmill for a bit, it’ll be good for me! I am thankful for the benefits that come with my job!
Friday 28 November
Dinner at Jo’s and time with interesting people and Ms T!
Saturday 29 November
Another evening with friends and their children for a late Thanksgiving. It was Stef’s anniversary today and I opted to spend the day with people, not alone. Getting to know these two tiny humans and watch their ‘dancing’ was a good thing.
Sunday 30 November
Busy morning cooking and time with my family. Watching Oli work out that his Grandma and Aunty Nic are also on ‘team Dempsey’ was fun. As well as the exploding sprinkles! It was a really good day and lovely to spend time with Ben and Laura too!
It was a big week chez Dempsey.
On Monday we moved Ma.
I was responsible for putting the bed and the shelves together..
I did an alright job!
Ma hired two men and a van and with Ben it was a quick easy job. Ben took me home and I have never been so glad to have a brother that drives a cab.
The rest of the week passed as weeks do, I had a doctors appointment where we talked about my sleep issues and the doctor confirmed that I wasn’t being a wimp but had actually sprained my right ankle, it’s been hurting for a couple of weeks, he thinks I sprained it and then went over on it again. The lovely thing about having had the same dr since you were a teenager, is that he knows my right ankle is weak and just tells me what I need to do to help it because he also knows that I don’t expect miracles!
I went to work, didn’t sleep as much as I wanted to and got to Friday. I saw godchildren 2 to 5 on Friday but they were all good. I then went to Jo’s for dinner and to deliver godchild no 6 an advent calendar.
Jo’s friends Sally and Mark were also there for dinner, which was really good fun!
So much fun, I ended up staying the night. On Saturday morning after reading Esio Trot to Ms T and having coffee, I went home, shopped and eventually ended up at Kathy and Adam’s for Thanksgiving. It was the children’s first Thanksgiving, I would show you photos but there’s still a photography bam because of the adoption which is just as well because I’m not sure those two ever stop moving and this is probably the best one I got all evening, it’s a self portrait from their youngest!
On Sunday, staying in bed was what I really wanted to do.
However, I pulled on my big girls pants and got out of bed (at 7.30am) and sorted myself out. We had lunch it was good, Oli managed to shake sprinkles everywhere (by accident) and a good day was had by all. It’s hard for Oli being the only child in the family but he copes really well, Ma and I bought him the same advent calendar that I bought for Ms T!
Ma stayed the night but we were both so tired it was an early night!
And that was the week. This week is all go, there’s a trip to the OXO Tower with Ma and Christelle, dinner with Jane, my work team Christmas lunch, volunteering at the allotment and Ma’s birthday. It’s exhausting just thinking about it!
Last week was still about not spending money on food and using up what I had. I did spend some money, I bought the beef for tomorrow’s lunch because I had a voucher for money off that was only valid up to Monday and I bought some apples and clementines because I was missing fruit. No other food shopping has been done, so this week has been the week of soup and things in the freezer. On Saturday, I took the frozen lentil bolognese from the freezer, mixed it with the leftover lentils and vegetable stew in the fridge covered in mashed potato for a veggie cottage pie. I also made a loaf of bread. Half of that came with me to Ma’s on Sunday night for bacon sandwiches on Monday.
On Monday night I had some of the leftovers for dinner with peas and green beans from the freezer. I used the rest of the pie, with more green beans and peas for lunch on Tuesday. Tuesday night I had Aubergine, Olive and Tomato pasta bake. This was the leftovers from one of last week’s dinners. And those leftovers were lunch on Wednesday.
On Wednesday night I ate butternut squash soup and bread. For garnishes I used greek yoghurt, cheese, roasted chickpeas, chopped kale and roasted squash seeds. Guess what I had for lunch on Thursday?
On Thursday night, I planned to have pork steak and cous cous salad but I forgot to take it out of the freezer so it was soup again. There was a work lunch on Friday and on Friday night, Jo asked me to dinner. I had planned sausage pizza and remembered to take it out of the freezer. I had sausage and eggs for breakfast this morning and I’ll keep the pizza dough out for Oli, in case he decides that he doesn’t want to eat a roast dinner (which he did last time I cooked for the family!)
Breakfast all week was greek yoghurt and pear honey.
I also took the last of the vegetables in the fridge and made a parsnip, carrot and ginger soup, which is in the freezer for next week. I’m feeling pretty pleased with myself, I still feel that there is loads of food in the house although I have run out of some staples and the freezer is much emptier than it was. It’s also made me think about how I plan my meals and cook. Food over the last two weeks has been more fun, I’ve been more creative and thoughtful about it. This week, I’m at K&A’s for Thanksgiving (shifted to Saturday) and hosting my family for roast dinner on Sunday so there will be a fair amount of shopping, I’ve made a list and it comes to about £50, but that gets me vegetables, a huge batch of taco chilli, and all the spices and beans and household stuff that I need to replenish as well as dinner for Sunday. I’m planning on spending that and then until Christmas, I want to spend no more that £5 a week on vegetables and work with what food I have at home. I will be doing some Christmas baking but that will be separate from my food budget. After a month of not shopping, I’ve become really aware of how often I just pop into a shop because I need one thing and I buy loads. I want to break that habit and just be more aware of how much I consume.
There was no cocktail drinking last weekend or this week. Because of the lack of cocktails in my life, there isn’t a new FNC to share so I thought I’d take the opportunity to share some old, much loved November appropriate drinks.
Happy Friday!
1. This is another article about abortion. The right to have an abortion is something I care about and I am fed up with the debate being framed in terms of something a woman will always regret.
2. Polly Toynbee on the Labour Party and class. There’s a lot being said about this at the moment and I think Polly is wrong. Yes, there have always been middle and upper class people in the Labour Party but where are the working classes, now? Clem Attlee led the party and went to Oxbridge, but Nye Bevan was in that Cabinet. Emily Thornberry shouldn’t have sent that tweet, it may be that she was being a snob, it may be that she was taken aback by what she saw, the point is that she shouldn’t have been. When Alan Johnson and John Prescott are the only two Labour politicians, you can think of with working class roots (oh and Dennis Skinner) then you’re in trouble because the clue is in the name of the party! And this happened this week:
3. It seems wrong for me to comment on what happened in Ferguson, what is happening now, it’s not my country. I will say this, 12 bullets 11 too many and for the police officer to say he has no regrets? Seriously, you took a life, you should have regrets and you shouldn’t be a police officer. However, Jesse Jackson said this and it’s worth reading.
4. Andrew Brown on how churches should support all marriages, not spend time promoting one version.
5. How to ruin Thanksgiving. I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, obviously and we don’t do the British traditional turkey at Christmas either. As a kid, we had pork and nowadays we go for beef. Having said that, we’re at Ben and Lu’s this Christmas and it’s probably going to be turkey. I’m just reminding myself that I’m not having to cook and that’s a good thing but it won’t feel like Christmas!
6. Owen Jones on the East Coast mainline re-privatisation, it doesn’t make sense and it’ll probably be an expensive disaster but why let common sense or public opinion get in the way of political ideology.
7. I’ve had two posts about Christmas this week, the lovely Gin Monkey has a post about how to put more gin in your Christmas day, which everyone should go and read!
I’m a big fan of advent calendars, as a child I always wanted one with chocolate in them but as an adult, I’ve become very anti them. I wrote about how much I enjoyed my calendar last year.
This year I’ve gone for this one from Alison Gardiner.
I buy the godchildren (Luc, Helene, Josh and Elly) an advent calendar every year, this year I’ve added Oli and Ms T to the list. The bigger children got a straightforward one like mine but I’ve bought one each of these for Oli and Tabs.
Every year, I think that I’d like to do a make your own with an activity for each day. There are loads of ideas floating around the internets and lots of kits to help with the creativity side of it. I seriously thought about this one but decided that I didn’t have the time or the creativity to do it well. I also thought about a candle this year instead of a calendar, like this one , but it somehow doesn’t seem as exciting as a calendar.
Secretly, I’d like one of these or these but it doesn’t really seem fair that I could get gin when I won’t let the godchildren have chocolate!
It’s not even Advent yet but Christmas is a month away and on Sunday, Sunday Music will be from this year’s Christmas music CD.
For new people, every year for the last 4, Luc, Helene and I have put together a CD of Christmas songs. We pretty much put this one together last year, because we were just so excited!
As part of getting into the Spirit of Christmas and as we did last year, we’re going to give them away too. I clearly think it’s pretty good, but this this year we have punk hymns, James Brown, Elvis, my favourite version of While Shepherds Watched and lots more.
Hopefully you want to know more, or you just like Christmas music. If so leave a comment or email me at nic06dempsey.gmail.com with your address and I’ll get the CD to you! I won’t keep your address or use it for anything other than sending you a CD.
Nic Dempsey 