The unseasonably warm November weather ended last week and I woke up energised. I hate that it’s dark when I get up but I love those sunny, crisp days. We’re back to single figures again and until it started raining, I was feeling pretty great for November
I had a weekend of socialising, on Friday Kathy and Sue came over for Friday fizz and on Sunday, I spent a delightful afternoon with the Kenny-Kingham’s. It’s a life goal of mine to find something that excites me as much as the prospect of a babybel, excites the youngest!
I had my first day without back pain last week. Progress, I promptly destroyed with a couple of hours at the plot and scrubbing Ma’s floors at the weekend, but it’s reinforced the need to do the exercises (that I’m not keen on and can’t do properly yet) because they are working and I need to stick at them.
I have realised this weekend that it’s December and Mum’s birthday next week, then I need to start organising for Christmas!
After an unintentional week off, I was back for some gentle allotmenting. My back is still not fabulous and it’s really hard to work out what to do to help it (I can’t stop carrying wheelchairs downstairs or sleeping on the floor three nights of the week – although Ma has offered that I can sleep with her!)
I really need to weed the paths at the front again..
If heavy duty weeding was out, I had some ranunculus corms to plant, I wanted to clear the tomato beds and put the dahlias to bed for the winter. I’m happy to report that I did manage that before it got dark!
So first the poor dying tomatoes, time to cut them down and weed the beds, which I did and I was really surprised by how good the soil was looking after some rain, over the summer it felt like all the soil was turning into desert, I also had a little weed of the paths and planting outside those beds, and considered what I was going to do with them over winter.
Have I mentioned that I’m on a mission to make the plot more manageable with my new responsibilities? Yes, I know I have and I’m probably not going to stop banging on about it either! To that end I’ve put more perennials in and have planned more flowers because they don’t need as much work in either growing or harvesting. I’ve got some tulips that need a home and I had about 100 giant ranunculus asiaticus corms to plant. My initial plan was to plant them in the empty bed next to the strawberries, the one I weeded the cinque foil out of the last time I was at the plot. You may remember that way back in spring, I’d planted some perennial leeks in that bed and they had promptly died in the summer.
My plan was to plant the rannuculus there. However, the leeks that I thought were dead, weren’t and have started to come up again. So I’m sticking with the leek plan and planting some more in that bed. And also it seemed mean to pull up all the nasturtiums that are trying to take over that bed. So the perennial leek seeds I have will go in there next week and we’ll see if they survive!
So I needed a new plan, but first dahlias…
The last dahlia of 2025!
I’ve loved having the dahlias this year, I bought them on a whim with no idea what I was doing and it’s a miracle that they flowered at all. I bought some smaller plants which have been overshadowed somewhat by the larger Cafe au Lait Dahlias, next autumn I’ll probably take the smaller ones out and put them elsewhere so they have some room. While part of me wants to buy all the dahlias now, I need to practice restraint, and the only other ones on the list for next spring are some Wine Eyed Jill tubers, which I did have in 2023 but they didn’t survive. I cut down the plants, added a bag of compost to the bed and then a layer of strulch which I watered to lock. Fingers crossed they will survive the winter.
Then the rannuculus, I decided to plant up one of the old tomato beds and did so as it got a lot darker, I had a fair few left over which I think I’ll plant in pots. The bed got the same compost and strulch treatment as the dahlias!
That was it, it was nearly 5pm and fully dark. I’m busy next Sunday so I have this Friday off for a plot day. The four main things I want to do are:
Sort out the blueberries, weed them, top up with fresh compost and strulch
Weed the gaps between the patio slabs on the fruit cage.
Cut back the raspberries
Plant the onion and shallot sets and the garlic
Plant out the rest of the brassicas
There is also the outside possibility that I’ll have some more trees to settle in and there is always weeding to do!
One of the reasons that looking after Mum has been so easy is that she is not a hoarder, she doesn’t collect random stuff and she it ruthless about throwing things away. My Grandad was the same and when he died, it made clearing his flat easy in a difficult time.
Overall the Hull’s are not into clutter, my Dad’s flat in contrast was a disaster. I went into it the day after they found his body and it was a nightmare. I couldn’t go back, that was the flat I grew up in and it was traumatising, I regret not being able to do it now but it was probably for the best. Mum and Ben, with help from Dad’s siblings did it, and they took a bunch of stuff and so much stuff was taken to the tip that we had to pay an excess rubbish fee.
I am a bit more hoardery than Mum, nowhere near as bad as Dad but looking after Mum has made me think a bit more about my space. A big part is, that right now I’m only here for four nights. I come home on Friday but I spent Saturday daytime at Mum’s. I need the flat to function and to be a restful place for me. I heard clutter described as ‘noise’ the other day and that’s what it is to me. If the flat is messy and/or cluttered it’s noisy to me and that doesn’t help my mental health.
I know it doesn’t look like much, but it’s a lot tidier!
I’m in a season where I don’t operate at my best because everything is hard and depressing – thank you SAD, and in a season of life that is just busy and stressful (work, menopause, caring for Mum). Recently, I’ve been so aware that I’m not doing this with the grace that I’d like to have and I’m an ‘action changes attitude’ person. So while therapy (and prayer) are helping a lot, I will feel calmer when I have a calmer space.
That’s reason enough think about my living space but I also am aware that as a childless, single person clearing my house is probably going to be done by my nephews or if it’s really bad by people they’ve paid. I don’t want to leave a mess and I’m working on it.
Four piles into one and I’ll work on getting this one gone too!
First there was housework to do, it’s ironic that while I do all of Mum’s housework (laundry, ironing, hoovering, mopping, and washing up), mine has been neglected. I caught up with all of it and that helped massively because then I just started putting things away.
I don’t have time to do a massive declutter of the flat but I have spent some time this week sorting the spots that have been really stressing me out. The clutter around the kitchen table is mostly allotment things, so I’ve rationalised all the piles into one pile not in the kitchen.
It’s not that there’s no stuff but there are many less jars!
I put all the random jars that I swear had been growing on the unit in the kitchen away in the cupboard of doom and a tiny sort out of some of the things in the cupboard of doom. There was a pile of magazines on the sofa in the front room, so I sorted all of the magazines and threw a bunch away, which led to a tidy of the top of the cupboard in my bedroom. It’s all about putting things away and being more ruthless about whether I actually need them.
It’s wasn’t a massive clear up it took about two and a half hours of Sunday morning but it was to extra bin bags of rubbish and a massive amount of recycling. There is more to do, and I think that this is the way to handle it, keep on top of the regular housework, don’t bring g anything in until something has gone out and spend no more than three hours on it in one week.
What’s super weird but absolutely shouldn’t be is how much lighter I feel and how much easier it is to work and do just about anything I the flat. I don’t feel weighed down by the weight of the tasks I haven’t tackled and I’m energised by the idea of the next task to get done. I talk a lot about life being a series of lessons I have to constantly learn, forget and re-learn and remembering that my resilience in stressful times is directly linked to being in control of a clear space!
My next big jobs are going to be cleaning the oven, sorting out the seeds and having a clear out of the white cupboard in the living room.
I was completely missing in action from the blog last week because I was busy. I had a migraine on Sunday and that is when I do the bulk of these posts, and I just didn’t catch change up. Hey, life gets in the way but have another picture of the Eiffel Tower!
I finally had a conversation with the GP and got back on HRT. It’s been really frustrating and but very soon, I should be back to normal minus the hot flushes..
Work has gone from busy to ‘oh my god there are only six weeks left in the year before people start going on leave for Christmas’ and therefore it’s bonkers, diaries are chaos and I am just about clinging onto sanity. I’m not sure why but whenever I say I’m going to focus on one thing and please don’t disturb me unless you’re on fire, everyone and their dog starts asking for stuff! It’s probably an other reason for my higher blood pressure..
Mum’s wheelchair arrived! We’ve been out quite a bit and while Mum feels quite vulnerable in it (I think she can feel every bump in the road and having to put herself in my hands for ‘driving’). It has opened up what she and I can do! It gives me a walk and gets her a bit more engaged with the world. However, I put the picture below on social media and have been fielding questions about mum, PSP and whether they can come to visit. I’m not gatekeeping, I’m leaving it to mum and she is being extremely antisocial!
I had a delightful chat with a lady on the bus on Friday morning. It just reminded me that joy comes from unexpected places
I hope in this hellscape of a month that everyone is having the best time available to them…
Last weekend, I banjaxed my back. This weekend, I was determined not to hurt myself anymore. But I wanted to be consistent and I needed to pick up the weed bin, so off to the plot I went.
First, I watered the poly.
Then I collected beans, chard, herbs and dahlias.
I weeded a bed to rid it of cinque foil. At that point my back did hurt and I went home.
In 1994, the Eurostar opened and suddenly there was a direct train from London to Paris. The next year, Mum took me to Paris for the day for my birthday. It was such a good idea, I did it a couple of more times!
Since then, I’ve been to Paris some more times. I went to see the twins when they were little, I went on an overnight photo taking trip, I went and stayed at the British embassy (to babysit Ms T!).
Paris is always great but I haven’t done a day trip for a while, because it’s quite expensive and it’s different for me to be away for long periods of time. Then in the summer, Eurostar had a sale and Christelle and I decided it would be rude not to go to Paris for the day.
That day was yesterday
It was an extremely early start but great to wander around. We headed for the Tuileries and the Louvre.
Louvre
And then wondered down the river to Note Dame.
Notre Dame
It’s an interesting thing, a church that is also a national monument and a tourist attraction. I was a bit shocked to see a shop in the church itself, the card machines to take the 2 euros to light a candle and it felt much more like an exhibition space than a church.
Westminster Abbey and St Paul’s have the same issues. Notre Dame has lots of the old Catholic things that were destroyed or whitewashed in English churches during the Reformation. So I was fascinated by the colour and the painting. I have a much better idea of what the Victorian Gothic revival was trying to do now.
I loved the colours in the chapelsThe BVM is unbothered by childbirth in a stable
We then wondered some more in search of a new pair of shoes for Christelle. She was wearing her comfy walking boots that for some reason turned on her! So new shoes were required!
New shoes!
That done some more walking and a metro back to Gare d’Nord
View of the Seine from the Pont des Art
We had lunch at Terminus Nord, which had great food and the best ceramic floor I’d seen in ages
Then the train home with some champagne. (And yes some French sweets!)
It has not been a good health week. I had a flu jab on Tuesday, I’m having an ongoing issue with my GP about my HRT, and I banjaxed my back. Anything I managed to do from Thursday on is a testament power of over the counter co-codomol and Deep Relief patches and gel. I’m doing some exercises that should help in the long run but it’s been pretty ouchy
Some sunshine. The weather has been very autumnal and wet, but there have been some beautifully sunny mornings
A big cupboard clear out at Mums. I’ve needed to do this for a while but it had to be done this weekend because Mum’s wheelchair arrives next week and we need somewhere to put it. I needed to move various bits of furniture about to make it happen and no it was not the best thing to be doing with a sore back! But needs must! We found Mum’s Christmas decorations, which we be useful because we’ve ordered a tree (I refuse to spend Christmas in a house without a Christmas tree!). For those of you wondering yes that is the mattress I sleep on when I stay at mums and yes I do realise that it’s not the best choice for middle-aged people with back issues…
I bought an amaryllis, I’m not sure that it’ll flower for Christmas, lets see…
As we come to the end of October and with the advent of the clocks going back, I’m thinking about next month. November is tough. It’s dark, I’m SAD and the month is full of anniversaries and sadness.
There is also the pressure of it being the last month (and payday) before Christmas. There is a lot of pressure on being festive in December and November can feel like the beginning of all of it.
This year I have much more going on with Mum, and I’m still working on the balance of that my full time job (that I’d really like to keep), home, allotment and my life generally.
At work, I write a weekly priority list for my SLT so they know what I’m doing and what capacity I have for extra tasks and planning. It helps me be clear about what I need to get done, and I feel I need a November priority list so I can do some personal capacity monitoring!
So this is the priority list for November:
Mum. We’re in a groove with this. I stay at hers from Tuesday night to Friday and work from her house. I get Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday in my own bed. Although, I go back to Mum’s on Saturday for shopping and house work. That way Ma does exercises and treadmill for four days a week and treadmill only one day when Ben comes to visit. Despite her protests, the exercises are helping and we do like hanging out. We should be getting a wheelchair for Mum next week, so I’d like to work on getting her out of the house at least one day a week too!
Work. I feel like I’m always moaning about being busy but I like my job and I want to do well at it. There are some projects I really need to get finished.
Home. I need to really get to grips with the things I need to do at home. So I need a Friday night reset and Sunday prep so that when I am home, I can relax.
Weekly Plot. I’ve been doing at least four hours on the plot every week, come rain or shine and it’s been good for my mental and physical health and I am so close to having it in a good place in time for the new season. So that needs to continue.
Physical Self Care. Staying at Mum’s is good for everything except my hips and back. I’ve been pretty consistently hitting my other gentle exercise goals but need to get back into daily yoga and stretches because my back is banjaxed. The other piece of this is sleep, Ma and I are generally always in bed for 10pm but I don’t sleep that well at Mum’s (as I write this a combination of no HRT, a flu jab, the sore back and the floor has meant four hours sleep even though I was in ‘bed’ at 9:50pm – as you can imagine, I’m a delight today!). So when I’m in my own bed, I have to go to bed early because I really need my sleep!
Mental Health Self Care: I think I’m in pretty good shape for the end of October but three things has worked to help remind me that life is not all doom and gloom, it’s like press ups for optimism!
I’m not planning on doing more than that, these are the priorities, I’m just going to plough through the month and remember that there are good things in November too, I’m going to Paris for the day, Mum is getting a wheelchair, Oli, Jane and Christelle have birthdays! (See I can even do ‘Three Things’ for the month!).
Nic Dempsey 