I’m not sleeping properly. Again.
Sleep was never something I had an issue with until Stef was sick. I was so miserable, even had Stef been fine, I would have been unhappy. I hated my job, I was really overweight and stuck in several toxic relationships. The stress caused me to stop eating (I lost 2st in 3 months) and stopped sleeping properly.
After Stef died, sleep didn’t return. I spent a lot of time at the gym, on the treadmill, trying to tire myself out and it worked. I went to bed, fell asleep and woke up about 3 hours later and couldn’t get back to sleep. It wasn’t fun, finally, I went to the doctor who prescribed sleeping pills and talked firmly to me about sleep hygiene.
Seven years later, I’m mostly over it but I still struggle to stay asleep and my sleep cycle always gets a bit erratic at this time of year. I suspect that it’s because the nights are drawing in as we end towards winter.
So these are my tips for coping with not sleeping.
1) Set regular hours for sleep.
I try to be in bed by 10pm, with lights out for 10.30pm and up no later than 7.30am. This really helps (it’s also one of the things recommended for migraine sufferers too), I know there is probably detailed science behind it but it’s not rocket science, it’s sleep training, it works on children so why wouldn’t it apply to us? (In the winter, I have a sunrise lamp that really helps!)
2) Tidy
I find it easier to get to sleep if the house is tidy. All the advice I’ve ever read about sleeping, recommends a tidy, calm room for sleeping. I find it’s easier to sleep if I know that there isn’t any housework to do in the morning. So before I go to bed, I make sure the house is tidy and the washing up is done.
3) On that note. Technology is banned.
No computers, no TV. I have a radio in my bedroom, which doubles as my alarm clock. I do have my phone in my bedroom because then, if there’s an emergency at 3am in the morning, I won’t miss the call. (Yes, this is a hangover from when Stef was sick and not having the phone makes sleep harder.)
3) Tea
I don’t normally drink coffee in the afternoon/evening unless I’m out for dinner. If I’m at home, I make a mug of camomile/peppermint tea and I take that to bed with me. Also good are Sleepytime Tea and Pukka Nighttime Tea (although the taste of that takes some getting used to!)
4) Be active during the day.
Get out and exercise. During the winter, I make it a priority to go out for a walk at lunchtime. I am aware that a lot of my issues with sleep are about SAD, so I need to be out in the daylight. Other than a walk, try and do some other exercise, gym, a run, an exercise class, swimming. All this will help make you physically tired and this does energise you, it’s one of those things that shouldn’t work but does!
5) Eating
This is the hardest thing for me. When I’m tired, I want to eat sugary junk food and inhale coffee like it’s going out of fashion. This isn’t going to help. When I’m not sleeping well, I have to make an effort to eat right. More protein, fruit and veg and less carbs and sugar. It takes a couple of days but it really helps.
6) Cut out the drinking
No booze, it’s great to get you to sleep but not to keep you there.
7) If all else fails, take a sleeping pill.
I don’t take pills every night or even every week but if I’ve done all of the above and it’s been 2-3 weeks of not sleeping. I will take a sleeping pill. Getting one night of sleep in that time is often enough to get me through. (I renew my prescription of 24 tablets every 12 to 18 months so I do treat them carefully)
This is how I want to be….
Nic Dempsey 