Sunshine makes a difference, so does action..

It’s June and the sunshine decided to show up! Yesterday morning even the weather forecaster was surprised, saying that she wasn’t sure she remembered the vocabulary for ‘sunny and warm all week’.20130602-214930.jpg

For 3 days in a row, I’ve worn flipflops and sunglasses. On Monday, I wore a summer dress to work rather than a dress I can adapt for cold or warm weather! Unsurprisingly, I feel much happier and energetic, the way that I was expecting to feel in April, I don’t really need hot weather but light and sunshine make a huge difference, I don’t do well in gloom!

I don’t think that this new, sunnier Nic is entirely due to the weather, though it helps. Some of it because of decisions I’ve been making recently. Re-enforcing bedtimes, making an effort to reach out to friends and do stuff, limiting my computer and screen time, focussing a bit more on looking after myself.

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I know that it’s early days, I only got to the point I realised I was slipping two weeks ago and I know I’ll slip again before I’m done but for the first time in a couple of months, I’m doing things because I want to rather than because I should.

I’m a huge believer in attitude following action. Over this weekend it happened, the sun came out and because for the last two weeks my actions had been different, my attitude finally flipped around.

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Last January, I wrote that “Sometimes you have to do the thing, even if you don’t feel the thing and the feeling will follow. Treat yourself like you matter and eventually, you will feel like you matter. It’s a lesson that I constantly have to re-learn.”

Six months later, here I am again, accepting that I have to live where I am rather than waiting for a mythical perfect time, when I’ll have the attitude/money/clothes/fitness/figure to do it justice.

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On Monday, I got out of bed (I wasn’t enthusiastic about it but I can’t wish for impossible things), did my stretching, took my vitamins, did some exercise (getting points for the Super Summer Challenge in the process), I did the same again this morning. I avoided the office sweetie table, I added a little bit more walking to my life by getting off the train a stop earlier than usual. All of those little things are making a difference to my health and my attitude. It’s nice to be here.

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The Weekend

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Super Summer

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In May Cassie at Back to Her Roots (with Chrissy from My Radical Commitment) launched a Summer Challenge to run from 1st June to 31st August. I was way impressed by it but was pretty sure that I wasn’t going to do it. It falls across the ‘oh no 4-0’ birthday week and I plan to spend a week celebrating it instead of the usual weekend, it’s a big birthday. There isn’t really anything I could reward myself with because I have lots of good things happening this summer already and a holiday to DC in September. I’m also busy trying to heave myself out of my slough of despond and I couldn’t decide what tasks to do and the value I needed to give them. So although the challenge was a great idea, it wasn’t going to work for me, I was going to admire it from afar.

The idea has stayed with me though. I’ve stopped setting monthly goals and I’ve taken my eye off the ball where my 2013 goals are, so maybe I needed a kick up the bum. I printed out the printables – that sounds weird and read Cassie and Chrissy’s posts about it. I follow them both on Twitter so I was reading the updates. I started to think about it, I’m not good at joining stuff, but I didn’t have to do the accountability stuff if I didn’t want to, I could post about it here and I do have a list of stuff I want to do before my birthday and  a set of things that I’m working on doing to help me climb out of the slough of despond so maybe I could incorporate them into the challenge?  Doing things intentionally is good for me, this has a timeframe and I can decide on a reward later on.

Which is how last night, I found myself plotting a list of mind and body tasks.

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So I guess, I’m doing this. I’ll write about it over the next two months and discuss what’s on my lists and why and how I feel about it. You’ve been warned!

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Countdown to 40

So I have 66 days to 40 and I have knocked together list of stuff I’d like to do.

This was the list such as it was.

Paint the kitchen and bedroom – we’ve planned painting the bedroom for next week, I’m not looking forward to clearing it out!

Draft-proof the wooden floors

Paint the bathroom floor – I’ve asked my landlord if they’re ok if I do, he’s going to get back to me

Sent Ms T and Oli proper snail mail post I sent them both postcards from Amble. Oli wasn’t too impressed and I haven’t heard from Jo if Tabs got hers yet but I have sent another because I want to keep that habit up!

Sort out my ESTA for the Visa Waiver Program, even though the whole concept makes me cross. Did this last night

 Make apricot jam

Spend more time with Tina

Repair my blue necklace

Get the batteries in my watches replaced, because it’s ridiculous to have three non-working watches – one down, two to go.

Defrost the freezer

Run 5km without stopping

Go for a 12km walk

Knit another ‘fat lamb’

It’s not fabulous progress and I’m grateful that I didn’t set myself any grand plans or aims because I suck at those. However, as part of my doing, not sleeping approach to depression, I think I should get on with these!

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Friday Links

Happy Friday, today I shall be mostly recovering from a migraine, what are you up to?

1) Don’t play the ‘I have kids’ card. Amen.

People without children have lives that are as legitimate and that they cherish as much as people who have children. This unwavering entitlement—I need time off; I have to have this holiday; I need to leave a half-hour before everyone else does, every day—kills office morale. (And obviously this doesn’t apply to emergencies.)

A family-friendly workplace can be a wonderful thing, but there is more than one way to have or to be family. And the quality of life for people without children shouldn’t be affected because someone is pulling the kid card

2) One of my pet hates.

To sum up: This is a blog post or a post or a blog entry. It is also a piece and an article. But it is not a blog

3) Jay Rayner on food miles. Very interesting.

according to this exceptionally detailed study from 2006, lamb, apples and dairy produced in New Zealand and shipped to Britain have a smaller carbon footprint than the equivalent products produced in Britain. To be exact, the UK uses twice as much carbon per tonne of milk solids produced as New Zealand, and four times the amount as New Zealand for lamb

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What I’ve Read – May 2013

This is one day early however, I’m unlikely to finish anything between now and tomorrow without being up way into the night and I’m staying at Ma’s tonight so it’s very unlikely as I’ll have to be up at ‘Oh my God it’s early’ o’clock tomorrow morning. The 7.27am train to Waterloo the train of nightmares.

Reading this month has been on and off.  At the beginning of the month, I was all about the reading. That eased off when I realised that I needed to do stuff that didn’t involve lying down and make some effort to interact with other humans. I also borrowed S1 of Friday Night Lights and started watching last weekend, so that’s at least an hour a day I can’t read anything because I’m watching it. At this point I also need to say something about the strangeness of my obsession with a TV series about a sport that I don’t really understand (I understand actual football and can even explain the offside rule!) It’s seems to be mucked about with rugby with players who wear extra padding (which seems sensible!) but I can’t recognise it as football.  They should call it something else because that’s not football.

Anyway, reading in May looked like this…

Angelmaker – Nick Harkaway

I started reading this last month and finished it while I was on holiday. I loved it, it was complicated, silly and very funny. You need to be able to stick with it through all it’s complications and it pays off. Whether you will enjoy it depends on whether enjoy silliness or not. I was sold when the lead character was described as ‘standing as if he’d just been given the Spanish Archer’.

Goodnight Steve McQueen – Louise Wener

I picked this up at Barter Books as a quick non thinking read. Which is exactly what it was. It fine while I was reading it but I don’t think that I’ll read it again.

World War Z – Max Brooks

Another book I’ve been meaning to get around to and even though I probably won’t go and see the film, it did prompt me to get my act together and read the book. I loved it. I liked the structure of it, the reader ends up putting the story together and there are a lot of gaps. I also like that we are viewing the ‘war’ as over and that like a lot of things, change has happened good and bad. The structure of the book also makes it easy to read, short stories that link. Was perfect for reading during the commute.

How to Talk to a Widower – Jonathan Tropper

This is another Barter Books purchase and was apparently a Richard and Judy book club pick, which completed passed me by. Doug is 29 and was married to an older woman, Hailey, until she died in a plane crash. Leaving him grief stricken. A year later he’s still grief stricken and mired in self pity, drinking a lot and doing little else. He really needs to get to grips with his life as well as contenting with an angry stepson, a father with dementia, a pregnant twin sister who’s marriage is breaking up and a sister about to marry the guy she met while he was sitting shiva for his wife. It’s not slapstick although I found some of it really funny. Doug just needs to grow up. The bit I found hardest about the book was believing that someone as capable and in control as his wife was supposed to be, really would have married him. Generally the message is ‘shit happens, deal with it’.

Rebel Heart – Moira Young

I loved Blood Red Road and can’t think why it took me so long to get around to it’s sequel. I love Saba’s voice, I love that everything wasn’t perfect. I’m interested in the world that Young has built but glad that it’s not all explained, there’s room for you to put it all together. I want to know if there will be another one and when!

The 5th Wave – Rick Yancey

This was Luc’s pick for Bank Holiday reading. It’s really readable and interesting, picking up on Stephen Hawkins observation that aliens are more likely to be hostile than friendly. I read it in 2 days, Luc took three days and objected to the ‘kissy stuff’, well he is 12 and I think that he’ll also need to re-read it a few years time.

Partials – Dan Wells

 

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Picture post – Warkworth Castle

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This weekend…

Made pizza.

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Watched a movie with Ryan.

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Cooked some lamb (and I still can’t carve for toffee)

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Ate black pudding. Yum!

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Planted some herbs.

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Got a little bit burnt (seriously, it wasn’t that sunny and I was out for about an hour. I really inherited my father’s celtic colouring!)

Watched a lot of Friday Night Lights.

How was your weekend?

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Belsay Hall, Castle and Gardens

On the way back from Hadrian’s Wall, (it was a wall, it was raining, it was further south than I’d always imagined it), we went to Belsay Hall, Castle and Gardens.

It’s quite a place and I left it feeling very sad, for the sad, empty house. So I’d better explain why.

The buildings and gardens are managed by English Heritage with the rest of the estate being run by the original owners the Middleton family.

So first we went to the Castle, via the gardens. The Castle was built in the 14th Century and has a Jacobean wing to it, it’s not difficult to determine which is which! However, my slight obsession with spiral staircases continues..

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The quarry gardens are built in the quarries that were left from quarrying the stone for the Hall (and yes I am aware that there were far too many uses of the word quarry, in that sentence, but I couldn’t think of a suitable synonym for quarry!). Because they are sheltered, the gardens have plants that wouldn’t normally grow so far north and if it hadn’t been cold, raining and, close to closing time we probably would have spent more time wondering around them.

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I love ferns, the look like fossils…

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Then we went into the Hall.

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I was not expecting to like the Hall at all, from the outside, it looks like a brown square box. The guidebook describes it as austere and so it is. It was designed by John Dobson for Charles Monck (formally Middleton – he changed his name to get an inheritance!) who was very keen on Greek architecture although whether he was keen on it before he honeymooned in Athens isn’t clear. He built the Hall, relocating the village in the process, and the family moved into it on Christmas Day in 1817. Despite it’s outside and the very formal and quite cold central hall, it isn’t an unfriendly house. We knew that there would be no furniture in the Hall, English Heritage says it’s “displayed without furnishings to reveal the fine craftsmanship of its construction.” but I wasn’t at all prepared for how sad wondering around this poor abandoned house would make me feel.

Especially the library..

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It’s actually in the terms of guardianship that the Hall is displayed without furniture and I don’t understand it. I couldn’t see the craftmanship, I just saw a house that deserves better than this….

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Belsay is lovely and I wish we could have stayed longer and that we had better weather, but it’s a very sad house.

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Friday Links

Another week done. It’s Friday morning and here are the links. The news is full of what happened in Woolwich this week, this post isn’t. Some people did a terrible thing, a man died, a child doesn’t have a father. That’s sad and awful enough, it doesn’t need any commentary today.

So links..

1) Electric shocks to brain seem to help people with maths problems. Not sure that this is something I would have liked at school but I’m rubbish at maths, unlike my Ma and Ben.

People who struggle with maths problems might fare better after a course of gentle electric shocks to the brain, scientists have claimed.

Psychologists at Oxford University found that students scored higher on mental arithmetic tasks after a five-day course of brain stimulation.

If future studies prove that it works – and is safe – the cheap and non-invasive procedure might be used routinely to boost the cognitive power of those who fall behind in maths, the scientists said. Researchers led by Roi Cohen Kadosh zapped students’ brains with a technique called transcranial random noise stimulation (TRNS) while they performed simple calculations, or tried to remember mathematical facts by rote learning.

2) HS2 is a pup and we don’t really need it. And if we’re going to have it, could we start in the North and bring it down south last. We have plenty of transport links and infrastructure in London (ok some of it isn’t great but we have it) and the North doesn’t. We need to start thinking about the whole country not just London and the South East. I say this this as a proud Londoner!

Certainly, the leaders of Birmingham, Sheffield and Manchester have welcomed HS2. For them it is either £1,000 a head from every taxpayer in Britain or nothing. They would be mad to refuse. The people of the Midlands and north were never asked what else they might do with such an enormous sum. If it were their money they would not touch it with a bargepole. No one offered them a Birmingham subway, a high-speed Manchester-Sheffield link or a Nottingham-Derby-Stoke motorway. No one did a rate of return on extending the M65 down the congested Aire valley in Yorkshire. To Westminster such projects are for peasants: they come nowhere near London.

3) On Monday, there were lots of people on the radio essentially saying “I’m not homophobic, but gay marriage will change the definition of marriage as we know it.” So I think it’s worth linking to this again.

4) and Peter Tatchell on the subject.

For me, banning same-sex marriage is homophobic discrimination. I resent being told that I’m not allowed to marry because I am gay. I want to be able to choose – and refuse. In a democracy, everyone should be equal before the law. This includes the right of same-sex couples to marry and be just as happy – or miserable – as married heterosexuals.

5) Miss Piggy Q & A in Saturday’s Guardian. One of my role models!

 What is your favourite smell?
Wet amphibian

6) Michael Pollan on the microbes that live on and in us. Fascinating.

Your microbial community seems to stabilize by age 3, by which time most of the various niches in the gut ecosystem are occupied. That doesn’t mean it can’t change after that; it can, but not as readily. A change of diet or a course of antibiotics, for example, may bring shifts in the relative population of the various resident species, helping some kinds of bacteria to thrive and others to languish. Can new species be introduced? Yes, but probably only when a niche is opened after a significant disturbance, like an antibiotic storm. Just like any other mature ecosystem, the one in our gut tends to resist invasion by newcomers.

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