A couple of years ago, Ma bought me an orchid for my birthday, I’ve managed to keep it alive so far but this summer I’ve been rubbish at watering my house plants and the orchid needed repotting. I saw a thing about growing them in water and thought I would try it.
So I took the orchid out of it’s pot and cleaned off the roots, I had a handy glass jar and filled it about a third of the way up and put the orchid in, I also added a drop or two of orchid feed. I change the water every week and so far, so good and the leaves aren’t wrinkly anymore because I forgot to water it. I suppose the real test will be if it flowers again, we’ll see. It is already growing a new leaf, so it’s going well.
It makes no sense why this should feel easier to do than just watering it once a week, but I can’t control the way my brain works!
Back in the mists of time, when I lived with both my parents, I had a pottery mug. It’s this one, it’s the one I still use when I’m at Ma’s.
I’m not sure where it came from, but I know it was something that Dad bought. We didn’t have much hand made anything and most crockery in our house ended up broken, that notwithstanding, Mum and Dad liked pottery and stoneware and we had more of it in our house than my contemporaries did (the whole pottery thing was something that my aunt never got). This is one of the reasons Mum has so many bowls and mugs, because I know that she really likes them, the more handmade the better. I bought her a mug when I was in Cote d’Ivoire because I knew she’d appreciate that more than anything else I could bring back (yes eventually it died because she dropped it but at least it wasn’t thrown at anyone!)
I’m the same, I’m really lucky because Jo often buys me small ceramics on her travels. I’ve been trying this year to think about presents and if I’m buying a object, I’m trying to buy nice handmade things made by people not in factories. I’ve not got it right or perfect but I’m trying.
I was thinking about this when I came across Blue Air Ceramics on Instagram. Sweary handmade mugs, that are tricky to get hold of because they are a lot of work for one person to make. Alice, the person behind the website, took up making mugs with swear words on them in memory of her friend who died of mouth cancer and swore like a sailor. I couldn’t think of anything more delightful (I am a woman who has a ’30 ways to say fuck’ poster on her kitchen wall after all)
I signed up to the email list in the hope of being notified next time there was a drop and didn’t think much else about it. Until one day, in August, I was on a bus on my way to Ma’s and the waitlist for personalised orders opened while I was checking my email. So I ordered two mugs, one for me, one for Ma, paid for them and settled in to wait.
Yesterday, my mugs arrived and I am so absolutely and completely delighted with them. Ma knows that this is one of her birthday presents so I’m not spoiling it at all but look at them, they are just perfect.
They are a delight and I’m so happy I wasn’t working on the day Alice opened that waitlist so I saw the email in time.
I would sign up to waitlist again, if I could, these are just so lovely….
I’ve been completely absent over the last couple of weeks (so much for my Get a Grip goals in September!) because October is hard and I am tired and there is more change at work.
However, we have just entered the ‘dead cat bounce’ part of the year. For those of you that don’t know, it’s when the clocks go back and its lighter in the mornings for a bit. I struggle generally with light levels in winter but the dark mornings are the worst thing for me. So while everyone else complains about it being dark at 5pm (which is hard) I’m marginally happier because I can wake up in the light. It’s a dead cat bounce because the cat is still dead, there is no good news, in a month’s time it’s going to be dark at 7:30am and there is no stopping it, but for the next week or so, I’m a tiny bit more able to cope…
The light lamp does help but it’s not as good as summer!
It other news, good change at work but I’m giving some support to others, in addition to my actual job. I do want to help but I’m also wondering about my capacity for stretch (at work and in my life in general). After a chat with my boss, we’ve come to the conclusion that we’ll (ok I) will carry on until Christmas and then, assuming I haven’t had a nervous breakdown, we’ll review for the New Year. There are only 66 days until 2026 and that’s only actually 40 working days if I take out weekends, bank holidays and leave, it’ll be fine!
In addition to work being busy, I did a day in Southampton which involved a 5am wake up, which I really don’t recommend. Ma and I went to the farmers market, we’ve had haircuts and I’ve assembled furniture for her (and witnessed her doing actual housework!) and I have bought more than one of the many birthday/Christmas presents that are required for the coming season. Last week, I gave blood, I’ve started to donate regularly, inspired by a colleague who has a goal of 50 donations before he’s 50 and the shortage in the summer, if you can donate, I would encourage you to do so, it does really help and it’s easy to do.
Action shot
This week is going to be very quiet, I spent a fair amount of time getting myself prepped for the week, there’s a Grace meal on Monday, and other than that I have no plans to be social!
I love a lip balm, to the extend that when pressed to pick me a present from the school tombola, the youngest nephew bought me a box of nivea lip balm (best gift ever!).
The pot of lip balms
I have a little pot in the hall at home, for lip balms, so I can grab one on the way out of the house. My last big restock was last autumn, so it was time to reup.
My god-daughter gave me the vanilla version of this and I was impressed and it tasted like cake! I now have all the favours Amazon had available (Honeydew, Peach, Grape, Strawberry) in addition to the original vanilla and they are great because they are favoured, shiny but not too sticky and they actually moisturise your lips not make them drier.
If like me you believe that you’re never too old for good, flavoured lip balm, these really fit the bill.
Pro-war, anti-Netanyahu: that has been the Israeli liberal conundrum in a terrible year. This is generally my issue with Israelis of all political stripes, they just don’t see the Palestinians as human beings and so they can’t see that all they are doing is making themselves more unsafe. Israel is currently bombing the Lebanon to ‘defeat’ Hezbollah, the organisation formed when Israel invaded the Lebanon in the 1980’s. There is a pattern, but Israeli can’t see it.
Israel is high on its own propaganda, always the victim and never the perpetrator. Every bad thing done by Israel is explainable and understandable or accidental, everything done by the Palestinians is wicked. The Israeli army is the ‘most moral army in the world’, (if you ignore what it’s doing in the West Bank, or the rape of Palestinians, or anything the UN and human rights organisations say). De-escalation through escalation. Nothing can justify the violence of 7th October but everything Israel does is justified by 7th October.
To my shame, my government is supportive of this nonsense, calling for a ceasefire but providing arms. In the US, it’s the same.
The only way to stop this, to stop Israel is to stop supplying them with arms. During the Suez crisis, the US got the UK to withdraw by threatening it’s economy. Stick not carrot.
“It did not start with the tragedy of 7 October. And it will not end, not only for Palestinians, but also for those Israelis who have been corrupted by entitlement and impunity. Until those who have the power to determine who deserves to live in safety and dignity understand that you cannot deny those rights to Palestinians and expect them to underwrite peace and stability by submitting to their fate as subhuman, this will not end.”
Family of deceased tenant refused entry to property containing life’s work. Really? What a terrible thing to do. There are a couple of issues, firstly the rule, you should be working with the family to get the flat cleared and handed back so you can let it out again, not making a family apply for probate. Second, this is the discrimination that people without money suffer, because if the house was owned, they could get all the access to it they needed without probate. But also, write a will, even if you don’t have money, write a will!
In the last three weeks, I’ve managed about 2 hours on the plot.
Yes I do feel bad, but I can’t be everywhere. The plot just carries on though.
This week, there was one winter squash, two summer squash, purple sprouting broccoli, a few sweet potatoes, a cauliflower and tomatoes!
The only work I’ve done, aside from collecting produce, was taking down the tomatoes and a small bit of weeding.
I’m hoping to take Friday afternoon off and go do some actual work on the plot but as the allotment committee chair said on Sunday, “there’s always winter for tidying up”
Last week was the beginning of my ‘more social than I’m used to’ October.
First, however, I had to deal with plumbing. Apparently, there is a leak from my flat into downstairs. I have no earthly idea how because the shower isn’t leaking and I hardly shower (I prefer baths except for hairwashing day!). However, landlords werer called and the plumber came and there is a leak on the pipe that feeds into the toilet, which isn’t above the flat downstairs, it’s above my stairs, but I suppose that could be it. Anyway, landlords were called and that got fixed on Wednesdays.
It did necessitate a small clear out and re-arrange of the cupboard of doom but it took me a couple of days to get the flat back under control.
Like I said it’s marginally tidy
With the added work stress of trying to get all the quarterly reporting together, if felt like a difficult week. On Friday, I got a flu jab and on Friday night I stayed with Ma, so we could go and get her flu and COVID jab on Saturday morning and then do the usual Saturday things. Saturday afternoon/evening, I did housework and prep (I’m happy to report that I’m up to date with my ironing!) because I had plans on Sunday.
I love the repurposed tube station sign at my doctors
On Sunday morning, I had a quick couple of hours at the plot and then Christelle, Mike and I went to the Grayson Perry exhibit at Pitzhanger Manor. Mike has never been to Pitzhanger Manor before and Christelle hasn’t been since it’s been restored so we got art and history in one go and then had lunch.
This isn’t from the Grayson Perry part of the exhibition
This week, is the usual round of work, home and mother, and also Grace on Saturday night and on Sunday I’m back to Surbiton for family lunch for my brother’s birthday, we’re going to Hart’s Boatyard, which means I’m going to spend a lot of time on the bus, which is where I’m getting my down time at the moment!
Last week was wet. I know it’s been wetter in other parts of the country, we have been unscathed but this week it came for us. In fairness, it was dry on Tuesday, but I could have done without it starting to rain, just as I was about to leave the house on Wednesday morning, we had a team meeting on Wednesday, so I had to go in! I do sometimes have to remind myself that I’m not the Wicked Witch of the West, I won’t melt if I get wet, but I’m thankful that I didn’t straighten my hair because that would have been annoying.
Last week was the usual, nothing much going on.
This week is October, I have a more interesting week. Work is all about quarterly reporting, the weekend is flu jab for me, and flu and COVID for Ma. On Sunday, I’m going to see the Grayson Perry exhibition at Pitzhanger Manor with Christelle and Mike. So mildly social and a bit busy!
‘I have £7 in my bank account’: how the two-child benefit cap changed Britain. Honestly, it was a stupid idea. People have babies and honestly the decision to keep a baby is often about capacity, but I don’t know anyone who had an abortion because of the cost of a baby, and what about people who have babies and are working and it’s fine and then they find themselves claiming benefit. I’ve been there and it sucks but you never think you’ll be there. I know it’s annoying to feel your taxes are paying for someone to make poor choices but as a childless person, that’s life. I don’t necessarily support people having IVF on the NHS but my taxes contribute, I didn’t support the invasion of Iraq or Afghanistan, I don’t think MP’s should get subsidised restaurants or bars, but my taxes pay for that. In the global south there is a large amount of research that says the best way to alleviate poverty and all the subsequent bad affects is to give poor people cash. Here the idea that you deal best with the impacts of homelessness is housing first. The way to get people out of poverty is not punishment, give them the cash, I don’t care if some of the people receiving the cash are feckless, you can deal with that when 99% of the rest of them aren’t cold and hungry. Or and here’s a radical idea, let’s create a world where a man working a full time job earns more that £800 a week!
Time for a noodle tax?: Doctor who sounded alarm on ultra-processed food urges tougher action. I do think that something needs to be done about this, but I also think that the problem isn’t food, the problem is capitalism. During the Industrial Revolution, there was writing bemoaning that because mothers weren’t at home that food became bread and jam. I’ve read articles talking about how much of the Industrial Revolution was dependent on colonialism, poor people couldn’t have bought the jam unless sugar was cheap. Why was sugar cheap? The problem is that everything is connected and capitalism requires a race to the bottom. Growing food, takes time, preserving food, takes time, cooking food, takes time and we’ll all so tired and so broke… It’s more than regulation, it’s going to take vision and commitment, and it’s going to cost….
Do you strive to be in control of your life? It might be holding you back … I have mad control issues, because I understand that I do not and cannot control key parts of my existence. I seek to control the things I can, to understand what I cannot and I have therapy and prayer to help me discern the difference.
I want to be a stay-at-home mum, and feel angry that society won’t let me. I found this fascinating. I’ve always thought that I was born to be a 1950’s housewife, I wanted to be a parent. It didn’t happen, it sucks not having the life you think you were born for. I remember when Jo told me she was pregnant, I cried a lot. Not because I wasn’t happy for her, I am and I love her junior version. But Lu was pregnant and now Jo was and I just felt bereft. Things that saved me, faith, friends, I’m a fantastic godparent and aunt and this year, the knowledge that looking after Ma and a 14 year old while coping with a job, a flat and an allotment, would do me in. At the point the eldest nephew and the godchild were born I was unemployed and borderline depressed it was incredibly tough but you know, I also got to help, I was the second person that met Ms. T (I joked at the time I was going to imprint on her like she was a baby duck!). Life happens fast, if you’re really lucky you get a life you can live with. I would always advise looking for the good stuff, doing things for others and practice being grateful. Unusually for me, I have a bible quote that keeps me when I wobble one this. From 1 Peter (my favourite apostle) 5:6-7 ‘God’s strong hand is on you: he’ll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; He is most careful with you‘. If it’s not Christian faith, find something that makes you feel like that, that you have a purpose and and a passion and do the best you can with everything else.
I’ve taken some form of vitamins for years. As peri menopause hit, I changed it up and this is what I’ve been taking for the last year. I split my supplements into morning and evening, so that’s how I’ll talk about them. Disclaimer, I probably should get all of this from my diet, this is what is working for me, I’m not saying you should…
Mornings
I’m in my fifties and peri menopause and there seems to be a positive correlation between collagen and oestrogen and you lose about a third of your collagen in the first years of menopause (and my knees seem to back that up!) so I take collagen peptides in my coffee every morning, I use Hunter and Gather (I don’t take the marine version because it tasted fishy!).
When I eat my breakfast, I take a bunch of stuff, starting with a pro-biotic, which helps keep my gut in order, I have always taken Vitamin D in winter but over COVID lockdown I switched to taking it year round and last year I switched to using NothingFishy (thanks social media advertising) because there was a bundle deal, I started with the Vitamin D3, the Omega 3 and the Irish Sea Moss. I’ve noticed a really difference taking these after three months, so I continued. I’ve also always taken a multi vitamin but stopped last year when I used up my Wilko stash, this summer, I added the women’s multivitamin from Oxford Origins to the line up
Evenings
About 7 years ago, when I started to skip periods, my doctor suggested that if I wanted to avoid HRT there had been some evidence that agnus castus was helpful for peri menopause. As part of a study on whether it was helpful for PMT, women of a certain age had reported that it helped them too. I tried it and it did help even out my periods and mood, it was another 4 years until I started on HRT, I still take it and I notice that it still helps my mood (I’m naturally grumpy but it stops me from being irrationally grumpy!). I also take a magnesium supplement because there is evidence that migraine sufferers have low levels of magnesium, and that magnesium helps with sleep (and my sleep has been terrible for ages and peri is not helping!). I take both of these at dinner.
While I recognise that you can’t supplement your way out of an unhealthy diet and lifestyle, I do think they are helping. So that’s what I’m taking.
Nic Dempsey 