The a couple of weeks ago, I attended a team training day in Canary Wharf. It was interesting, the morning was run by Mark Hunter, an ex Olympic rower (they’re always rowers) it involved a new commute on the Elizabeth line. The journey was fantastic, 10 out of 10 for speed and efficiency however, it was full of germs and infectious people and I caught COVID, which I also gave to Ma!
A Beijing gold and and London silver
In fact the whole weekend after the training day was cursed with minor inconvenience, by the Sunday it was clear that I was sick and honestly I was not well. It was like a cross between a cold and the flu, with a hefty measure of being really, really tired. And bizarrely none of my technology could recognise my face!!
But I’ve only left the flat, four times in the last two weeks, I missed three days of work, seeing Josephine (the rate we’re going, presents will be exchanged next Christmas!), and anything fun. I did go to Mum’s for Mother’s Day, I took lunch to Mum’s, but we were obviously both still recovering from being sick because after washing up, we both had a nap and we didn’t finish the wine!
Sky
Last week I’ve begun to feel better, I’m still sleeping a lot but I have managed to accomplish things at work and home. Im also back to reading and drinking coffee (when I don’t want to read it’s a sure sign that I’m feeling poorly). A work colleague told me that she could see I was feeling better because I was getting things done this week before someone reminded me! Honestly it’s been like wading through treacle.
It’s been really lovely to feel better and the weather and sunshine has certainly helped. The weekend was a haircut weekend so Ma and I did that and then on Sunday I finally got back to the allotment!
This week, I’m on my last week of work before I have some time off. I’m hoping that the compost arrives this week or next week because it’s time to start actually gardening!
It’s been the most glorious couple of days of weather, we’re still only in March so it’s not going to last and according to the Met Office, today is the last day. Those first lovely weather days every year are like taking drugs, suddenly I have energy and I’m not quite so grumpy..
This week has been busy at work and I’m still (lovely weather notwithstanding) feeling a little bit discombobulated, I’ll live but I didn’t get as much done as I hoped and I’m feeling short on time and energy, I’m still in some pain, mostly low level cramping and uncomfortable with occasional forays into bloody unbearable but I got into the office for two days so that’s good.
However, it was a busy week at work and by Saturday afternoon, with a very long journey home from Ma’s (Brentford playing at home for a 5:30pm kickoff, combined with the first lovely day of the year equalled the longest journey up the Kew Road and over Kew Bridge and us all being kicked off at Great West Road!), I came home and went to bed. Which meant I missed Grace. Yesterday, I spent about 5 hours on the plot which I needed more than I realised.
This week, I’m kicking off the week with a mental health day, I’m going to work from home in the morning and take the afternoon off, so I can go and play in the dirt for a bit (and get the gooseberries weeded!).
Other than that no exciting plans, some days in the office, farmers market with Ma on Saturday. No major plans for the rest of the month, except work!
It’s a truth universally acknowledged that the world is currently a bin fire of epic proportions. If we ignore things that are actually on fire. There’s Palestine/Israel/Lebanon, in fact none of the Middle East feels stable, there’s Ukraine and Russia, there’s China and Trump blundering about with all the subtlety of a bullying diseased mentally impaired elephant (although that is almost certainly an insult to elephants!), there’s climate change, the cost of living, the state of services in the UK, the state of the Tory Party – well all political parties really but especially the Tories, the rise of the far right and in the UK that oik Farage.
It’s all horrible and it’s hard to feel optimistic personally when the world in general and the UK in particular is such a state.
I don’t have many friends who aren’t coping with caring for elderly parents, children with special needs or ill partners. I’m in pain (thank you continued peri menopausal issues), I’m tired and in my 50’s, I’m worried about my mum and the rest of the world. I feel like I’m on the verge of a mental health crisis and I know I’m not the only one feeling like this.
I’m no stranger to this feeling, I’ve experienced mild depression before and I have the tools to deal with it these are some of the things that are helping.
Gratitude for the ‘First World Problem’ nature of my woes
I’m taking some time to recognise that most of what ails me, can also be looked on as privilege. Care for the aged parent – it’s not actually that much care and I’m lucky to have her still alive, it’s not something either of my parents had in their 50’s. Work difficulties – again it’s 100% better than having no job. The work to keep the house tidy and feed myself? It is tiring but I have a place to rest, clothes to wear and food and the means to pay for it, they are privileges. Bottom line, some things in my life suck but I can guarantee I have it better than a lot of people. It’s important to remember that and be grounded in the good things in my life.
Therapy
Another thing I’m incredibly lucky for is the ability to have therapy on a regular basis, we’re working on a monthly check-in at the moment. People do therapy different ways and for different reasons, but mine helps me keep my ‘bad’ reactions in check and helps me to acknowledge what I’m feeling, why I’m feeling it, helps me decide what to do about it and then develop strategies for doing it. It’s not perfect but it does help.
Distraction
For me that’s generally books. Pick your poison, know it’s distraction and boundary it. In the last few weeks, it’s also been a comedy gig. (Jarlath Regan, who was very funny and it was a perfect middle aged gig, started at 7pm done by 9pm, I was home by 10pm!) This year I’ve already read over 50 books, it’s a wonder I’ve got anything else done!
Tidy up
When I feel out of control, controlling the things I can control really helps. For me that looks like food prep and housework. I’m writing this on Friday night, I’ve just done a bunch of food prep, the flat is really clean and the laundry basket is pretty empty. All this means is that over the weekend and next week, I’m not going to worry about what I’m wearing or what to eat and it’ll be better for me and I won’t be tripping over anything. There’s been loads of studies about mental health and cleaning, it really helps me make my life calmer. Knowing I can change the state of the flat, if not the world does help some.
Doesn’t have to be perfect!
Small things that make me happy
Flowers, the fairy lights on the bookshelves in the living room, a long bath with a book, a walk, an occasional perfect manhattan, regular clean sheets (seriously getting into a newly changed bed with fresh pyjamas is a really cheap gift to yourself bonus points if you do it before 9:30pm!). I’ve also brought lipstick back into my life because if I’m going to be miserable, it’s going to be with a fantastic bright lip!
People
I am probably more anti social than the average bear but make the effort to stay in touch with the people you love/like. If you’re thinking about someone, call them. If you make a plan to see a friend stick with it. Turn up for celebrations. Go to church if church is your thing. As an introvert, I need time by myself more than others but I also need my community, so be a person that’s interested in others. I’ve had a really good example in this from my friend, Sue. Her life would exhaust me (she’s so busy) but her interest in the world and in the people she cares about is inspiring!
Rest and exercise
Last week I didn’t want to go outside for a walk, so I did 30 minutes on a treadmill. I felt better for it. Try and get some gentle exercise into your life, for me that’s some yoga, some stretching, a walk. Doesn’t have to be punishing but it’s a good thing. The other side of that coin is sleep. Try and get a consistent amount of sleep, for me that looks like 7-8 hours and if I go to bed at the same time and get up at the same time every day, my body sorts the rest out. Honestly, everything is better if you’re rested!
Feb plot
The plot
This is niche but the allotment is a combination of all these things. A distraction, exercise, time outside and with community and you have to hope for things with a garden and it helps
I’m slowly starting to tidy up the plot (boy does it need tidying!) and while I haven’t sown one single solitary thing in Jan or February, I have bought some potatoes, strawberries and various other plants to help spur on the tidying efforts.
So the strawberries. Last year I planted asparagus plants, an initial 10 and then another which gave me about 15, that space is quite weedy and it’s going to produce anything I can eat for a couple of years and I read that strawberries are a good companion to asparagus and help to keep the weeds down. As I’m tidying up the strawberry towers, I’ve also noticed a couple of gaps. So I bought 20 bare root plants for the asparagus patch and six plants for the towers. Then my Kitchen Garden arrived and they had an offer of 20 plants for £7 and so I have lots of strawberry plants for this year.
I will plant them this weekend
One of the few things I have managed over the winter is the front of the plot.
I’ve been thinking a row of erigeon down the side, it’s the type of plant I like, hardy, self-seeding and a bit wayward. So I bought some from Thompson and Morgan, and then as it happens they flogged me 24 lavender plugs for £6 and a little star jasmine. Yes, I’m a sucker but I’m a sucker with lots of plants!
So the task for this weekend is more tidying up and potting up strawberries, I got the square beds cleared and weeded the paths around them. Sorted out another of the strawberry towers and planted some of the heath pearlwort in between the tiles
One tidy strawberry tower and one waiting for its glow up
It’s just going to be more weeding, until the compost arrives
This is weeded, yes I need some woodchip!This requires work!
It’s March! I’m pretty sure that January was two days ago…
We’ve started to get 10 hours of ‘daylight’ every day. It’s still England, so it’s very grey daylight but it has made a difference as I’ve started to wake up a bit and become more human, less cave gollum!
Everything is pretty much as it was the last time I came onto this space, Ma is still wobbly, I’m still busy at work, the plot is still in need of tidying, the usual stuff.
The biggest thing so far this year has been going back to the hospital for the same thing I was at the hospital for last year. The treatment that they hoped would work, has not and in fact the problem is worse. The hope was that the coil would stop the bleeding and reduce the migraines, it hasn’t, I have had more cramping, the consultant misread the ultrasound and there was another hysteroscopy last week, which was no fun. As I predicated, there is nothing wrong, it seems that I need more progestogen. (The pattern of my life for all issues, achievements, problems etc are for them to be C+ to B-, I’m often slightly above average but no more than that. I’m the person that’s in the foyer of the cinema as it bursts into flames not watching the movie. Yes, that did actually happen which is why I use it as an example! I don’t do the intense highs and lows of anything and I know how glib it sounds but it is largely true and I am mostly grateful for it but is does mean that there are less clear and straightforward solutions to the issues that I do have!)
It was very, very ouch and I was not happy about it but grateful to know that it’s nothing serious. I’m also still bleeding and cramping and my back has decided to play up too! I’m feeling very 50-something!
It has been a couple of very social weeks for me. My weekends are pretty busy anyway, but I’m going into week four of weekends that involve being outside and social beyond my usual Ma/work/allotment trifecta. Haircut’s, Christelle and Mike’s, Jonny’s 60th birthday party, which means I missed out on Christina’s 40th. (who am I that I have competing social events? Actually, 10 years ago, I turned down Jonny’s 50th for Christina’s 30th and then was too ill to go to either, so this is a improvement, a decade later) but this weekend is just Grace.
Jonny’s amazing cake/present from Lynda.
No one will be surprised to learn that I have prepped for all of this socialising by cleaning the flat and food prep. If my social battery is completely drained then at least the kitchen is clean! We’re also going into Lent this week (hopping out of Ordinary Time) which means there will be pancakes in my life this week and ashing.
I’m trying to get my mojo back this week by spending the first three days of the week in the office. It just has to be done!
Occasionally someone asks me for advice about getting an allotment and the only advice I have is go often. Don’t be mad keen in summer and ignore it from October until March.
This year I just failed to take my own advice, my attendance and attention at the plot had been spotty from August but after October I just didn’t have the bandwidth for it. I love the plot but f I can’t give it the attention it needs, then I need to consider giving it up or losing half and honestly, I’ve worked too hard to want to do that. So I need to commit.
This is what I started with on New Years Eve
I had made the new bed at the front in August so that was the first place I wanted to weed.
By Saturday, it was looking a lot better
I’ve also weeded the rhubarb. And cleared and topped up one of the beds. There is so much to do, I also cut back the raspberry canes in the bed by the compost bins and weeded the path at the back.
BeforeAfter
Finally, despite all the neglect, there was produce, cabbages and sprouts.
Look what I grew!
There is still loads to do but my plan is just to turn up every Sunday morning and do a couple of hours. Next week my mission is to cut down the other raspberry bed (and dig some canes up for plot neighbours), get the rest of the grass up under the plum tree, clear and top up three beds and start weeding around the gooseberry bushes.
As you can see from the photos, it’s going to take some work to get it ready for March!
Those corn flowers are out of control There are gooseberry bushe’s in amongst the grass honest!
I was planning on having a strong autumn and winter as the end to 2024 but in reality, I fought 2024 to a draw and honestly it could have been worse. That meant this space got neglected as life felt overwhelming.
The 2024 Christmas Tree
So quick catch up, Ma is still wobbly, the allotment has been neglected since October (more on that on Wednesday) and the house could use some attention. However, I have also organised the team Christmas, organised my Christmas, cleaned two ovens (mine and my mother’s), did culture and catching up with Christelle just before Christmas, celebrated Ma’s birthday, saw Ballet Shoes at the National Theatre, made several banoffee pies and managed to catch up with friends over Christmas.
Christmas at my brothers includes time with my favourite nephew!!But the other two are lovely
Now it’s 2025 and today is Epiphany and real life resumes.
View from Waterloo Bridge
This week begins with taking Ma back to the audiologist this morning (we tried over Christmas but her ear wax is like her and wouldn’t budge!). She’s still waiting for the ENT referral but until we’ve cleared her ears the doctor won’t entertain the idea that there’s something wrong with her balance (and there is something wrong) so we threw some money at it and that will take her off the waiting list.
Then 4 days of work and two days in the office. Friday night I’m out to celebrate Charles’ 80th birthday. It’s weird to me that I’ve officially known him (and Christina and Tom) for 35 years, I’ve become a ‘family friend’ and yes it does make me feel old!!
Waiting for Ballet Shoes
On Saturday, I’m at Ma’s and Saturday night is Grace. Sunday morning is for the allotment and Sunday afternoon is for some rest and prep for the week and then I do it all again!
People have busier lives but I’m naturally lazy, so that feels like enough!!
So I had a whole post prepped for the first Sunday of Advent but I got distracted and didn’t post it.
The dictionary definition of Advent is ‘the beginning of an event, the invention of something or the arrival of a person.’
Which sums up this time quite well, because we’re waiting for all of that. The beginning of a time of God as human, the arrival of a person and the invention of God’s Kingdom on here.
Christmas marks something extraordinary for Christians, the idea of God coming to us as man, working to experience human life and understand us better and also maybe to hope that we might understand God better. Which is why, I’m kicking off my reflections with this poem from Teresa of Avila (look I’m Catholic at some point Saints were going to be involved)
Christ has no body but yours, No hands, no feet on earth but yours, Yours are the eyes with which he looks Compassion on this world, Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good, Yours are the hands, with which he blesses all the world. Yours are the hands, yours are the feet, Yours are the eyes, you are his body. Christ has no body now but yours, No hands, no feet on earth but yours, Yours are the eyes with which he looks compassion on this world. Christ has no body now on earth but yours.
Often atheists will argue that if God exists, God is cruel because look at the awful things in the world. Some Christians will tell you that the world is as it as because of the Fall, this is not the world that God planned. I have another view and I don’t think its a particularly revolutionary view but you don’t hear it argued very often.
How much of the horrible things that happen in the world would happen if we lived as God would wish us to?
Hunger, war, homelessness, poverty, most death from illness. Would those things happen if we truly cared for one another, if we saw fellow humans as we see ourselves? The world could look very different. We choose the world the way it is.
I believe that God gave us free will. Free will has issues. So in the lead up to the celebration of God becoming embodied, I’m here thinking about God’s work being my work. There are many ways we can help, one of the ones I have chosen is the Amos Trust.
The state of the world right now is pretty grim, it’s estimated that there are 110 armed conflicts happening in the world. The World Food Programme estimates that 343 million people in the world face acute hunger. What I’m about to say, concentrates on Palestine and the work of the Amos Trust but I do recognise there are other places that also need our help. However, Chris Rose, the director of the Amos Trust, came to Grace in November to talk about their work in Gaza and the West Bank and about their Christmas Appeal.
Amos is working with its with partners in Gaza, to help and they are well placed to help because they were there before the bombing started. This from DSPR, who work with traumatised people in Gaza really drove home to me how inhumane what’s happening in Gaza is:
“We are not providing trauma therapy like we have done for the last 15 years in Gaza. It would be impossible, pointless until there is an end to the fighting. Instead we are helping parents and children cope — addressing their fear and anxiety and helping them get through another day.
If we do not do this now, we believe that when the war ends many of these children, even with the best therapeutic support, will never be able to overcome their trauma.” Nader Abu Amsha DSP
No child deserves this, not a single one.
If you are able to donate, please think about it, the Christmas appeal is open until 10 December and someone will match funding up to £36,000.
I’m tapping this post out at 7am on Monday morning from Bristol Coach Station, which should give you an idea of how my travel plans went over the weekend.
Saturday night’s delay in a waiting room at Worcester Foregate
The plan was to go down to Sarah’s on Saturday night, spend Sunday with her and Noah and Ryan, and come back on Sunday night.
Storm Bert and the uselessness of GWR (God’s Worst Railway) put the kibosh on that. First all trains from Hereford Station were cancelled. But that was ok, Ryan dropped me at Newport because the trains were still running. The 18:33, except when I got to Newport, it had been cancelled. So I followed the advice and went to Bristol Temple Meads. Nope, all trains to London cancelled. Look, I get things happen, there was a storm, it was GWR’s complete lack of preparation or help that threw me. No one organising taxis or hotels. Nothing except a promise that GWR would pay for it!
Delays, delays and outright lies
Fortunately, I do this for my day job and I have money. Not enough to pay for a £350 taxi from Bristol to London, but enough for a hotel! I booked a room at Delta by Marriott and then a coach to London for the morning. I even sent a friend to go and pick up the wine that had been delivered to my doorstep that afternoon (it was missing but I’ll deal with that later!)
I’m lucky, I had money and credit cards and a charged phone and experience of how to cope with nonsense like this (and I still called my mum!) I also have a job where I have some person credit and great management (that have, as ever, been fantastic about me not being in on a Monday morning). 25 years ago that would not have been the case. For me, this is an annoying story, for the girl in the station crying that she would lose her job if she didn’t get home and she couldn’t afford a taxi. (Yes, I helped her book a coach and bought her a sandwich and I really hope she got home ok) it was worse than that.
Bristol Coach Station
I’m good and mad that GWR didn’t have a single fucking plan in place to help. It look like I’ll get my tickets refunded and possibly my hotel and coach booking too but the absolute lack of planning for an emergency was a shambles, it’s more than time to renationalise the trains.
Other than that, it was lovely to see everyone. Sarah, Ryan, Noah and bonus Elayne and Justin, who is out of hospital and grumpy so must be on the mend. Of course I got a cuddle from Fred l, ok he sat on me to make sure I wasn’t going anywhere..
We walked the dogs, in the very flooded campsite, Noah is so much like Ryan at the same age (completely nuts!)
It was a good visit, shame about the travel!
What else? Once I get home, and locate my wine, it’s a pretty standard week. It’s the last week of November, so there are two birthdays and an anniversary. I’m having lunch with godchildren and various others on Sunday because we’re at 20 years since Stef died. Yep, time piles up..
View from a coach
Sunday is also Advent which means Christmas is coming but more important than that, next week Ma has a birthday!
Nic Dempsey 