It’s Tuesday and there has been a bank holiday and today is the start of the working week. Which is silly because I worked over the long weekend too. I cleaned the house, food prepped, cooked most of a roast dinner on Sunday, changed a couple of nappies (it’s always work but it’s especially work when they are not your children, yes even if they are your nephews, it’s work!), changed the bed and hoovered! Work. I also walked 10 miles with a dog and a friend, mostly in the mud and sometimes in the rain but that was for fun!
I did most of that work on my own time though, when I wanted to do it and with downtime in between tasks. Today is work, I don’t choose it and yet I have to do it because I do choose, in so far as I am able to choose, to have a roof over my head and food in the fridge. So I work.
The long Easter weekend is over, but Easter isn’t. I am still in Easter and I want to think about what Easter has taught me this year. What happens every year as I work my way through my life and the Christian calendar is that I learn something new about my life, my faith and what the hell I’m doing with all of it and sometimes it comes out over the course of the year and sometimes I have huge leaps of learning. Much to my surprise because I didn’t plan for it, Lent and Easter has been a learning time.
So what didn’t I plan to learn?
I’m a great one for doing, this Lent I spent more time thinking. A dedicated time every day with God. You can call it meditation, prayer, listening, whatever works for you, but I’ve been doing it. The phrase that keeps echoing through my head has been ‘God has work for you’.
The people that know me well and some of the people that don’t are probably aware that my single, childless state was not of my choosing and has been privately painful for some time. I’ve always been pretty clear that if it didn’t happen then it was probably because God didn’t mean for it to happen. That doesn’t mean that I’ve been ok about it because it has been painful. I’ve really been thinking hard about what it means when God says no.
God has work for me, seems to be the answer. When I was confirmed, I offered my life to God, I say it every time I say the Lord’s Prayer (Thy will be done), so I can hardly be surprised when God takes me at my word and instead of giving me the work I want, partnering and parenting, and gives me something else.
I’m still not sure what that work is but I have the rest of the year to work it out!