Friday Links

Hello Friday, good to see you, it feels like a long time since we’ve seen you. Honestly people, it’s a been an arse of a week. What with the ever present rain, the Tube strike and other general shenanigans. Let’s hope the rest of February improves or by the end of it you’ll find me huddled in a corner, whimpering! Not many links this week because frankly, I haven’t had the energy…

1) How councils are cutting waiting lists. Heaven forbid they should do anything as straightforward as house people.

2) This is why we need to be very careful about banning late abortions. I think it also points out how difficult the decision is, the issues around pregnancy and terminations are hardly ever black and white and I feel that if both sides could see that we’d be kinder to one another.

3) FMG in the UK. An issue that we should start to see in black and white. Cutting up little girls is against the law, if you do that to your children, you should go to prison. Seriously against the law since 1985 and no convictions?

4) Jack Monroe has a cook book out at the end of the month. I’m a big fan of what she does and she’s a more creative cook than I am. So glad that things are working out for her. This is clearly from the book.

5) I wrote earlier on this week about how addiction affects the children of addicts (well my experience of it.), Russell Brand, writes from the other side of that experience, as an addict. Worth reading.

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Choices

There are a number of things I can be cross/grumpy/miserable about today.

The 2 hour journey into work. The three trains I couldn’t get on to this morning. The pain in my feet and knees caused by my arthritic feet and the almost constant rain. The almost constant rain. Today’s tube strike. The continual freezing temperatures of the office. The fact that my freshly painted nails have chipped already (it’s always the middle finger of my left hand, what do I do with that finger?). The list is endless.

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Honestly, I can’t be bothered. It’s exhausting being miserable.

So today, I’m going to chose to concentrate on the good. I have a job to go to. People on the train were nice about being squashed up against one another. I need to walk more to keep my feet flexible and I got a 30 minute walk into work and it didn’t rain. I live in a country where workers (at least some of them) have the right to strike. I have clothes to keep me warm. Chipped nail varnish can be repaired. This list is endless too.

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Having said all that, I am really tired so this is all I’ve got!

How are you going to stay cheerful today?

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Stuffed Mushrooms

Leftovers, I’m very fond of leftovers. Our Boxing Day breakfast is made up of leftovers (it’s not as grand as it sounds, it’s cold roast beef and yorkshire puddings – the breakfast of champions!)

But leftovers, save me from my biggest kitchen sin, cooking too much food. I’ve tried, I’ve really tried but I naturally cook for 2 to 3 people and as there is only one of me and even though I’m quite very greedy, there are often leftovers. A lot of them get packed up for lunch, but sometimes they get turned into something else entirely.

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These mushrooms started off as the leftover lentils from the Vegetarian Cottage Pie, which I stuffed into some mushrooms. I love mushrooms, there are always mushrooms in my fridge and sometimes they make it into my cooking, mostly they just go straight from the fridge to my mouth, there are worse snack habits to have! Anyway, I took the mushrooms and stuffed them with the  lentils, added some cheese and threw in the oven.

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Dinner was served 25 minutes later and was delicious.

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Weekend Tasklist – What got done

Ok, this is going up Monday night because I got sidetracked into a post about addiction and fathers and worthiness. So let’s see what I crossed off.

Kitchen

  • General clean (sort out the recycling and rubbish, mopping the floor and general cleaning)
  • Sort out the picture wall – At least, I need to fill the empty frames on the wall! 

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Cooking

  • Food prep for next week.
  • Make marmalade, it’s time and I have no marmalade in the house!
  • Cook some freezer meals for Kathy and Adam

Bathroom

  • General clean (mop floor, change towels, empty bin, clean bath, sink and toilet)

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Bedroom

  • General clean (sweep floor, change bed, dust, general tidy)

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Living Room

  • General clean (sweep floor, dust, tidy sofa, put things away etc)

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Hall

  • Hoover

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General things

  • Shopping
  • Washing (clothes wash, white wash, towel wash)
  • Ironing
  • Wash make up brushes
  • Wash hair brushes
  • Water plants
  • Back up laptop
  • Charge kindle, ipad and camera batteries
  • Handwashing

Pretty good I think! As ever when I’m crunched for time, I won’t hoover, so that didn’t get done but really needs to! The marmalade didn’t get made because there were no seville oranges in Sainsburys so I crossed it off the list. I did get the empty frames on the kitchen wall filled in but didn’t add the others.  I’ll get to that at some point this month!

How did you do this weekend?

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Death, addiction and damage

On Sunday, Philip Seymour Hoffman was found dead. With a needle in his arm and bags of what is currently thought to be heroine. On the radio this morning Ken Stott, said that he was convinced it was death by misadventure, “he adored his wife”.

This post isn’t really about Philip Seymour Hoffman and his struggle with addiction, it’s about what I feel about growing up with someone that couldn’t control an addiction.

Addicts have to decide everyday whether they need to get high or drunk more than they want other things. Drugs or living. Getting high or being with their family.

I don’t say that lightly and I don’t say it with blame. The heartbreaking tragedy of addiction is that it really is that simple and that complicated. Ultimately, addicts wrestle with addiction alone, if the wishes of others had the power to change the compulsion, it would be easier for them to stay clean but the decision about whether to resist or give in belongs only with the addict. I’ve been on the sidelines and what you can do is limited.

I’ve written about my Dad before (here and here) and he’d have met the AA definition of an alcoholic, whether he was or not is still open for debate. What I do I know is that my Dad loved me but I grew up in the sure certainty that he loved his next pint more.

A wise friend of mine, talks about the stories we learn about ourselves and how they shape us and what we do next. The story that I learnt growing up with a father like mine, was that I was worthless.

As an adult, I know that my father’s behaviour wasn’t my fault. It doesn’t change the feeling, I had that if I had been a better daughter, he wouldn’t have behaved like that. My father drunk and smoked his way to an early grave, if he cared how his behaviour hurt his family, I didn’t know it. The hard truth is that he didn’t love me or us or anyone enough to stop.

That feeling of worthlessness runs through my life. It kept me in damaging relationships, it made and sometimes still does make me needy. Everyday, there’s a voice in the back of my head that tells me I’m not good enough, clever enough, pretty enough, committed enough. It makes me scared to try because I’ll only fail. Nowadays, I manage to keep that voice to a dull roar, I tell myself different stories.

Sometimes I want to fill the huge hole that feeling creates in me with something, anything that will make me feel better. I’ve learnt not to drink when I feel like that.

I don’t know if addiction is a disease, I do know that it runs in families.

So this morning, upon hearing how much a man loved his wife, the story I heard, was that love wasn’t enough to prevent the tragic death of a talented man. I wish he could have found a different story.

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The Weekend

Welcome to a new week and a new month.

This weekend was lovely, mostly because for what feels like the first time in forever, there was no rain. I can’t tell you how lovely that was.

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The rest of the weekend was pretty much as normal.  There was pizza on Friday.

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There was cooking for the freezer, homemade ready meals are brilliant.

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There was also a tasty, meat heavy Sunday morning breakfast!

 

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Not captured with my camera was the housework, the reading and the time spent at Kathy and Adam’s.

Plans for this week include mentally fortifying myself for a weekend of nephew watching and seeing Simon Russell Beale talk about being in King Lear at the National Theatre. It’s going to be a good week!

 

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Weekend Tasklist

It’s Saturday morning, which means that’s it’s time to talk housework! The tasks this weekend are pretty straight forward. I have a little more cooking that I want to do, but that’s more for pleasure and helping out friends through the first couple of weeks of post adoption mayhem (new parents need easy food!)

Kitchen

  • General clean (sort out the recycling and rubbish, mopping the floor and general cleaning)
  • Sort out the picture wall – At least, I need to fill the empty frames on the wall!

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Cooking

  • Food prep for next week.
  • Make marmalade, it’s time and I have no marmalade in the house!
  • Cook some freezer meals for Kathy and Adam

Bathroom

  • General clean (mop floor, change towels, empty bin, clean bath, sink and toilet)

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Bedroom

  • General clean (sweep floor, change bed, dust, general tidy)

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Living Room

  • General clean (sweep floor, dust, tidy sofa, put things away etc)

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Hall

  • Hoover

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General things

  • Shopping
  • Washing (clothes wash, white wash, towel wash)
  • Ironing
  • Wash make up brushes
  • Wash hair brushes
  • Water plants
  • Back up laptop
  • Charge kindle, ipad and camera batteries
  • Handwashing

What are you crossing of the list this weekend?

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Friday Night Cocktail

Friday Night Cocktail - The Blinker

 

This is a Blinker. Rye whiskey, grapefruit juice, grenadine. The recipe is from the Kitchn.  It’s quite yum.

What

2 oz rye whiskey
1 oz freshly squeezed pink grapefruit juice
1 teaspoon grenadine
Lemon peel to garnish

How

Fill a shaker with ice, put everything except lemon peel in the shaker. Shake, strain into chilled glass. Garnish.

Friday Night Cocktail - The Blinker

Friday Night Cocktail - The Blinker

 

What are you drinking tonight?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Friday Links

Happy Friday!

I don’t know about anyone else but I’m happy to see the back of this week and this month! My plan for the day is to find people I can talk to about last night’s ‘theatre’ Corialanus, which was awesome.

Anyway, here are this weeks links!

1) 16 Reasons why Gin is the Best. It’s not a very good list but World Gin Day gets a mention (well done Monkey!)

2) XKCD nails it on Climate Change

3)  A handy guide to gay people for Putin and co.

4) Review of the National’s production of King Lear, with Simon Russell Beale as Lear. We’re seeing this in March and I’m pretty excited about it!

5) Porn and sex education. Yep. It terrifies me, how many parents are leaving their children to bring themselves up in areas concerning sex, porn and technology. It’s not easy to think about the children we know having sex but they are and if we’re honest we were too. I’m not advocating talking to children about it all the time but about having honest communication with children about all sorts of things from how babies are made all the way to being honest about what you’re ready for. My dad’s version went something like:

“don’t do anything you don’t want to do, use contraception and come and see me if someone is forcing you to do anything you don’t want to do and I’ll batter them”

Simple and effective, if a bit violent! Ma was a bit more nuanced but the message was the same, nothing your not ready for but nothing you should feel ashamed of, I’m always here. It’s a more complicated world now so the need for these conversations is more important.

6) £1 houses. This is a fabulous idea and will help stop the brain drain to London, we’ve been hearing so much about this week! It’ll never happen in London, but I can dream.

7) While housing is on my mind. Over-40’s forced back into flat sharing. there but for the grace of God..

8) Renting in London costs double the UK average. Yep. I know that other regions in the UK are suffering too but London needs different solutions to it’s housing crisis and it probably starts with electing a mayor who has a clue.

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What I’ve Read – January 2014

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Consider the Nightingale – Rumer Gooden

So we read Thursday’s Child and then I remembered this one. It’s a little fairytale-ish but none the worse for that.

All Change – Elizabeth Jane Howard

The last of the Cazalet books. Much like the other four, I liked reading it but had to resist the urge to smack them upside the head and tell them to pull it together.z

None of them seemed to learn anything and while the world around them was changing, they really weren’t.

The Girl with All the Gifts – MR Carey

I really enjoyed this, as it starts, you think it’s going to be about how they save what’s left of humanity but it’s not. It’s about relationships and trust and has a great theory as to what  causes the zombies. I’m still thinking about it now.

Escape from Eden – Elisa Nalder

This and the next book on the list are books that H has read and kept telling me I should read. I’m not actually sure that she’s right and I’m trying really hard to remember that when I was 13 I read loads and I read well outside my reading age, so that I may not have chosen them myself doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t be reading them. When I remember that at 13 I read some terrible books, Flowers in the Attic anyone?, I feel much better about her reading choices.

This didn’t go at all were I expected it to. It starts off as a basic ‘life in a cult’ book and yeah the clue is in the title, but what I thought was happening wasn’t at all. It all went a little dollhouse on me. The characters are going to need years of therapy, to process it. It was pretty full on and whirlwind to read. I can see why H liked it.

Secret Girlfriend (RVH) – Bria Quinlan

This took me straight back to being 13 and reading stuff like this, and it’s better than the Sweet Valley High books I read at that age. I liked Amy, I didn’t like the situation she put herself in but I could see how she got there and I understood it. The romance was all a bit instalove and the ‘hero’ was a bit too perfect and a bit too alpha but you know, it’s not actually real, and H knows that. It was surprisingly funny and eventually Amy grows a spine and while Amy grows because of her actions, there is some decent grown up involvement in the form of her coach. The other more person thing, that impacts a lot of Amy’s actions is her dead mother and an mostly absent father, who has pretty much checked out because he’s grief stricken. The book resolves that plot line a bit too glibly for my liking but for obvious reasons, H found that interesting and asked lots of questions about parents, adults, responsibility and death, she was of the opinion that the father was forgiven for being, and I quote “a stupid, selfish man and a bad parent” to easily. Any book that makes a teenager truly appreciate her parents and the adults around her gets my vote but that may only apply to H!

Through the Ever Night – Veronica Rossi

I finally got around to reading the second of the trilogy, as luck would have it the third is out next month! I liked it, I read it, H is now reading the first and will read this one too! I’m interested in how it’s going to resolve and what exactly the ‘Still Blue’ is. I like that the characters have grown and as ever I like it better when they actually communicate.

In the Bleak Midwinter – Julia Spencer-Flemming

I don’t know what prompted me to pick this one up, I’m really not that into mysteries. I am the woman who always flips to the last page! I really, really liked this, from the first line – ‘It was one hell of a night to throw away a baby’. I liked the friendship between Clare and Rus and that the book never shies away from Clare’s faith and calling while at the same time not making everything about it. I was generally surprised by how much I enjoyed this and I will be reading the others in the series at some point.

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