So lets talk about last week. On Monday, I popped around to K and A’s on the way home to bring Adam emergency apple and blackcurrant squash. A was out with a stomach bug and K was coping with the boisterous Baxter babies. I chatted to K and read stories to the babies until bedtime.
Tuesday was a WFH day and it was lovely to have a lie in and still be at my ‘desk’ by 8.15am! The VPN was less co-operative though, everything takes a bit longer than it should. Tuesday was also the day I managed to get splashed while cooking, resulting in a blister ON MY FACE. It didn’t show all that much, but I wasn’t happy about it.
Wednesday and Thursday were standard work week days, with no drama, as a team we’ve been slightly all over the place, with people in and out of the office on odd days, I think Wednesday was the first day that the whole team has been in the office all at the same time! Oh on Wed we went for lunch at Sardo Cucina, where I had an amazing pizza and therefore did not have to eat for the rest of the day, it was very good!
On Friday, I worked from home again in the morning, which meant a big pot of coffee and on Friday afternoon I was in Putney. Originally the plan had been to go to the memorial ceremony for Jo’s dad. When my dad died, I remember feeling very alone and I also remember that none of my friends were there, because of that my general rule for these things is to show up if I can because sometimes you just need to know that you’re friends are about even if they can do nothing to help and you’re going to be too busy to talk to them. As it was, Ms T was struggling with it all so I stayed at the house with her.We chatted and put out teacups and then when everyone got back, I made tea and coffee and washed up. It was a compulsion and I didn’t get home until after 10pm, I stayed for dinner and got a lift home. When people you care for are grieving it’s really difficult to know what to do for the best but that was something I could do so I did it!
On Saturday the family came for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day. It was lovely, Oli and Joe are delightful, Oli and I spent some time reading a book and I chucked him on the bed lots, which he finds delightful…he’s a boy. Joe has just got to that stage where he wants to be in everything so that’s always fun!One of the things he was very interested in was his Daddy’s pudding….Sunday was Mother’s Day, Ma had stayed on Saturday night, so I made breakfastWe were going to go to the cinema but Ma didn’t fancy it so I after she went home, I had a quiet afternoon and then an early night.
I’ve ended this weekend thinking about families and love and connection. On Sunday my social media filled up with people lamenting not having their mothers with them, a bunch of others being smug about being mothers, sometimes both in the same post and the other set thanking their mothers for being their best friends. (My mother and I are close so I even if I had been so inclined that would not have happened because, Ma would not have appreciated it.) I’m going to link to the thoughts I posted last year.
Mostly, they still hold. Families are the people you love and support who love and support you and if you’re very lucky, they’re also the people that you’re related to. It’s so easy, especially on days like Mother’s Day, to focus on what other people have and you feel is lacking and I get that. I’m not a mother and yes that often stings, but I focus on what I do have, a mother, Oli and Joe and various other assorted children who I can spoil and who don’t wake me in the middle of the night. I also concentrate on what I can do, I can see those children, support the parents I do know, basically I get the time and space to be part of the village it takes to raise a child. No, it doesn’t entirely dull all the pain of not having the life I imagined, which did include children of my own but it’s not nothing.
I’m not advocating for being cheerful all the time or in the face of disaster. Sometimes life is truly, deeply rubbish but failing to appreciate what is good in our lives is a poison to that life. All that to say, I ended this week deeply appreciative of the families in my life, the one I was born into and all the others that I am part of to a lesser or greater extent. Mother’s Day isn’t hard for me because I am part of those families. I am so lucky.