This week has been tough, no actually that’s not true. This week has felt tough. I’m tired, in migraine fortnight and it’s really, really dark so my SAD urge to hibernate has turned itself up to a million and I just want to sleep.
Getting out of bed this morning was a feat of incredible willpower over desire to just go back to sleep. Also why is it that I can’t sleep from the hours of 3am to 6am but can from 6am to 9am?
Added to that we’re 6 days away from Christmas and there still seems to be so much that I haven’t done, that I may not get done and I’ve only got one Christmas card (just call me Nicola-No-Mates!). Work is busy because we’re trying to make sure that everything is done before Friday and over Christmas, I’m coming into work and covering stuff and I’m sure that I’ve missed something because I seem to be on top of it and that never happens (which may sound like a humble brag but really isn’t!)
So, I’m tired, migraine-y and ever so slightly stressed. In other words, an absolute joy to be around and I wonder why I’ve only got one Christmas card…
Then I leave the house and the sky is blue and slightly pink and I talk to my Ma about her tree (which has just been delivered) and I get a grip.
It’s like this every year, the run up to Christmas, the dark, the birthdays and anniversaries that make me a bit sad, the actual SAD.
Those things don’t change, but this year I can see through that, yes, other people have better jobs, bigger houses, more money, partners and children, alive fathers that don’t have drink problems…..the list of what I don’t have, that other people do is endless….
It’s no way to live, comparing my life to others and dwelling on what I don’t have, I have enough to be happy and well. Which is more than most of the people on the planet and more than a lot of people in this country have.
I’ve said that every year, I’ve known that every year (even the year that I didn’t have a job, had no money and felt that I’d never work again!) but this year, I understand it, I feel it. Yes, I am a bit down, I am slightly stressed and life is tricky for me to navigate at this time of year but overall, I’m good. My life is good and despite a couple of moments of overwhelm, because I am a stress bunny, I’m happy.
Which is a lovely feeling and has been a long time in coming.
I hope that you feel this way about your life too, if you don’t, please know that even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, it will change. Please just hang on and things will turn around, maybe not in the way you think but it will turn around.