Christmas Day is in 11 days time. I have bought 2 presents.
This is not unusual, while I love Christmas, I’m really bad about being in the Christmas Spirit.
I think it’s because it starts too damn early. I read a lot of blogs and in the US, Christmas starts right after Thanksgiving, and this year, a bit earlier because everyone I follow is freaking out about President Trump and needed some Christmas Joy as soon as they could grab onto it. Which I perfectly understand but while everyone I know in social media land and real life is going all Christmas. Everyone seems to have bought presents, made plans, booked leave, written cards and are wearing Santa hats and Christmas jumpers. Work is having a day of Christmas ‘fun’ on Friday, as well as the big company Christmas party.
Whereas I’m right in the worst point of SAD and have just finished the birthday and anniversary round. Which goes….
- 22 November – No 1 Nephew’s birthday
- 29 November – Stef’s anniversary and Jane’s birthday
- 3o November – Christelle’s Birthday
- 4 December – Mother’s (and clearly the most important) birthday
- 15 & 19 December – Dad’s Birthday and anniversary – ok these two are less impactful (what? I can’t lie about it, I don’t go around being really sad about them anymore, I’ve more or less, made my peace with who Noel was and what it meant to me and although it’s not all good or all bad, it doesn’t have the same affect on me that Stef’s anniversary does)
After Ma’s birthday, I try to get my act together and fail and this sense of overwhelm begins. I don’t really feel in the mood, I try to jolly myself into the mood, fail and then feel terrible because I am not having fun, I’d much rather be in bed because I usually have another bleeding cold and I start to panic. I have these ideas and plans but no time or money or motivation to implement them and so the panic goes round and round.
I do know that it’ll be ok. I’ve never ruined Christmas yet. Everyone gets presents of some description, cards mostly get sent, mince pies will get made and I’ll manage to pull it all together on Christmas Eve. If, by the time that Carols from Kings starts on Christmas Eve, it isn’t done, it won’t matter because I will be thinking about what Christmas is actually for. It’s pretty simple, that there is hope in the middle of the dark, a promise that we are never truly alone, a call to action to make the world and ourselves more fitting for the Son of God and a reminder that promises are kept in the most unexpected ways.
So for the rest of this week, I’m going to focus on that. That it will be ok and that all of this fuss is pretty unimportant in the grand scheme of things. On Christmas Eve, Ma and I will be drinking manhattans, decorating a tree (assuming I got one) and generally feeling warm and lucky and that will probably happen whether I’m stressed about Christmas or not, so I’m going to work on not being stressed!