Happy Friday! Well it’s Good Friday which is not such a happy day in the Christian calendar but also a Bank Holiday so swings and roundabouts…
Where is Ankara’s ‘Je suis’ moment? You might as well ask where Cote d’Ivoire’s is or after this week, Brussels…
Adam Johnson, underage sex and nuance. I’ve been having some conversations about this too and I basically come down to, she is a child in law and I am aware there is nuance when 15 year olds have sex but he he was the adult, in fact if she had been 16, he’d still have been the adult and while it wouldn’t have got him a criminal conviction, I still would have thought it was wrong. I have another question though, where in the name of all that’s holy where her parents while she was obsessively following a 28 year old footballer on social media and arranging to meet him in car parks? Seriously. I got up to a lot of stuff that my parents didn’t know about at 15 but my parents (both of them) were very clear about making sure that I understood consent, safety and why it’s a bad idea to meet men in car parks. H is 15 and she knows that we can find her on social media and that we are aware of what she’s posting, we talk about this stuff. It’s embarrassing for all of us but an uncomfortable conversation is better than a trip to a police station to report rape or sexting or any of the thousands of other things that can happen.
Which leads me straight to this article and this quote from it
I had a very honest conversation with my mum about some of my early sexual experiences, and her response was one of sadness, but not surprise. With only my lousy SRE lessons to help me, I was unable to understand my feelings of discomfort and shame after feeling obliged to have sex. More importantly, I wasn’t equipped with the confidence to say no.
Because you can guess what I’m going to say, can’t you? It was her mother’s job to talk to her about that, it was the job of her parents to equip her with the confidence to say no. Should schools play a role in sex education, yes but I didn’t learn anything about sex in school that my parents hadn’t already discussed with me.
How to parent your adult child. I really need to ask Ma if she’s read this because I’m not sure that I agree with this
We have all met the parent who vocally disapproves of a child’s partner because they are of the wrong sex, class or ethnic background, or the mother or father who has a fixed idea of what success looks like and is disdainful or judgmental of different paths or periods of experimental uncertainty. Almost all parents have struggled with similar feelings, but the important thing is to learn to keep them contained
Parents are allowed to have opinions, especially if they are financially supporting the child in question. I more or less always knew what Ma thought about something I was doing, (still do!) but that didn’t mean that I didn’t do what I wanted to. There needs to be a bit more robustness in parent/child relationships, you don’t always have to agree.