#resound11: Best Gift

Today’s prompt is brought to you by Krissie from Questions for Dessert and @krissieb.

The holiday season is typically a time we focus on others, sometimes at the expense of ourselves. I can get so caught up in the expectations of the season that I have a hard time remembering to enjoy the peace and wonder of the season. I can forget to take time to care for myself. So lets look back on how we cared for ourselves. Maybe we’ll inspire each other to take a few minutes for ourselves today.

What was the best gift you gave yourself this year? Did you buy big, fluffy towels? Did you have a massage on a day when you really needed it? Did you forgive someone and give yourself the freedom from that grudge?

How will you resound?

When I saw this prompt this morning, I immediately thought of things. Was my best gift to myself my properly fitted running shoes, the lemon squeezer, the whiskey?

The best thing I gave myself this year was that I learned to take responsibility only for the things I was responsible for. This is hard for me, I’m one of those people who thinks that everything is down to me and this feeling, that when something goes wrong it’s because I didn’t do enough or didn’t do it right, means that often end doing things that are bad for me ’cause I’m trying to make everything right.

I know exactly when it happened. It was when I was helping T & C move. It was an emotional time all around, I was sad because the house at St Leonards Road was somewhere I had loved living in and for all it represented and I wanted to talk to one person and I couldn’t because he had stopped talking to me and while I could guess why, I don’t know because he didn’t tell me, he just stopped calling and wouldn’t take my calls. There wasn’t anything I could do about it but that didn’t stop me feeling responsible.

During that week, I was sad for that lost friendship but I finally understood that it wasn’t my fault. I had done all I could, I was allowed to feel sad but I had no control over the decision Craig had made. I didn’t kill a 10 year relationship, he did. I wasn’t responsible.

After that something just clicked. I wasn’t responsible for not having a job, but I could take some action to get a new one, I wasn’t responsible for having bad knees but I could take responsibility for not making them any worse, I’m not responsibility for having SAD but I am responsible for managing the symptoms, I’m not responsible for trains and buses breaking down, but I am responsible for leaving the house in good time so I’m not already running late when the bus does break down . Once I stopped worrying about the things that were happening that I wasn’t responsible for, I could deal with the things I was responsible for. I’ve done that, it makes me happy and I’m leaving this year in a good state of mind.

About nicdempsey

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