I’ve been very quiet over the last week, in part because of the trash fire that is the world, and also because June 6 was also Stef and Kier’s birthday, they would have been 50.
June used to be the start of my birthday list, Stef and Keir were the 6 June, Tina was 6 July and I was 6 August and therefore I never forgot those birthdays because it was three months of sixes, 4 birthdays that were easy to remember. In 2020, I’m the only one of the four still breathing. This is not self pity, more people than me mourn those three deaths and differently and deeply but it’s sad.
Over the weekend I did zoom chats with Michael and Luc and Helene and Max and Matt and Ruth and Tess and Phil, together and separately for some of them. It was bittersweet, Stef and Keir are a long time gone. The children don’t really remember them, but death is funny and I don’t know if I can explain it but bear with me.
I’ve talked a lot this year about the irises that finally flowered on the plot, in time for my Grandma’s birthday. In December, it’ll be 58 years ago since she died. I didn’t ever know her, I was born nearly 11 years after she died. I know her from meeting her sisters when I was in my teens (mostly Ellen), through my Grandad, from the things that Mum has told me, from the books that Mum gave me that have her handwriting, from the year or so I lived in my uncle’s house, from the pictures I have of her, from my Grandad’s sister’s form what Mum talks about. There is more than one way to know someone.
All that to say, this weekend would has been tricky difficult to navigate emotionally and on Saturday, my brother ended up in hospital for non COVID-19 related reasons. Right this minute, it’s nothing too serious (just something that makes me grateful for the NHS but makes my sister-in-law’s life logistically difficult and probably worries the nephews) but timing is a bitch and I do worry for my little brother!
I have no plans for this week, other than work and sorting out the drawers in my bedroom and living room because I’m thinking about buying a desk. At some point working at the kitchen table is a pain and I’m ready to change that!
On Saturday, I get to see my Mum for the first time in 12 weeks, she’s going to drive over mostly to pick up some marmalade! It’ll be good to see her!