As I travel through my late 30’s, it has become apparent to me that assumptions are being made about my life and I’d like to clear up some misconceptions.  You’ve been warned, it’s about to get ranty around here….

1) Being in my 30’s without a partner or child doesn’t mean that I’m selfish or afraid of commitment...

Guys, I didn’t get married or have kids. Surprisingly, all this indicates is that, I didn’t get married or have kids. It doesn’t mean that I’m selfish, lacking or missing something. It just means that those things didn’t happen.

I have 6 godchildren and a nephew, I babysit like a champ. Don’t label me selfish because I get to lie in bed on a Saturday morning.  Instead think about this, I give up weekends and evenings to look after children that aren’t mine. I’ve housed teenagers in distress and negoiated ceasefires with their parents. I’ve done this for children I haven’t given birth to and don’t share DNA with. Sometimes it’s quite painful for me to look after those kids, knowing that I’m never gonna have one of my own. Parents look after their children because they have to, I do it because I love those kids and their parents, that’s the opposite of selfish.

While I’m on a roll,  I got involved with men who didn’t love me and then with a man who did and died. I’m not afraid of commitment, I was ready to commit, it just didn’t happen for me. I’d rather be alone, than be with someone who’s half hearted about it.

2) Not having a child means that I have no idea of the deeper things in life

Parents, I get it, having a kid was life changing and it’s a big deal. Buying a handbag is not either of those things. However, despite not giving birth, I have experienced life changing events that didn’t include giving birth. Holding my Grandad’s hand while he died, burying my father, holding Stef as he died and then trying to explain what was going on to his 3 year old kids in way that they could understand. My experiences aren’t any less valid or meaningful because I didn’t conceive a child. Belittling them because your experiences were different is rude.

3) Chosing to accept where I am and finding joy it, is not weird, it’s healthy

I refuse to apologise for living the life I have. I don’t want to try internet dating, I don’t want to spend my life obsessing on what could happen or didn’t happen. I want to spend my life being in it. Stop telling me I’m abnormal or intimating that my life has no value. It’s rude and mean.

4) There are worse things than being a single woman in her 30’s in London

It’s a first world problem, I feel plenty sorry for myself on occasion so I can do without your pity. Instead of telling me how sad you think my life is, try asking me about my life or if that’s too hard,  tell me about a great book, a play, ask me how to make a manhattan or if Chelsea are going to turn it around and win the league this season (on 2nd thought don’t ask me that, we’re not, it’s depressing!). My point is there is a whole world of art, science and wonder out there and I’m happy to talk about it. So asking me who I’m seeing or telling me time is running out if I want a child is pointless. If I was seeing someone, you’d probably know about and I am well aware of the ticking of my biological clock!