Ryan came for breakfast/lunch today. It’s always good to see him and at the moment we talk about deep stuff and total rubbish. Ryan is still having a difficult time and coping with it all like a trooper. I can’t tell you how proud I am of him, his mother did a great job.

Co-incidentally, before he came over this morning, I was looking at old journals. I needed to find something Stef had written in one of them, for his kids (godchildren two and three). In the course of that I read some of them. Wow, have I changed, but it showed me something else, I have really good instincts about people and it’s when I ignore them that things go wrong. The basis of a lot of bad decisions in my life have been listening to people I didn’t entirely trust and with good reason, they weren’t kind to me.

There’s a lot to be said for cherishing and fighting for relationships but for me the decision to stop fighting was hard but it was necessary.  I needed to stop fighting and trust myself, and trust that everything would work out the way it was supposed to. There are still challenges and rubbish stuff still happens although all of that stuff is easier to cope with if the people that you love, love you.  Broken hearts (whether is was a boy, a friend or any of the variations in between that do the breaking) do mend. Mine did and the only regret I have is that I tried for so long, when I should have trusted myself.